From someone who’s tired of being asked how I’m spending my 21st
One of my biggest fears, as a daughter and family member to multiple alcoholics and addicts, is to fall prey to addiction. Coming into college, everyone told me that partying was the culture, and that I wouldn’t be able to have fun without going to the bars. I was told I would “loosen up” in college because being in a new environment with new people changes things. However, knowing myself best, I have always known my values to be unbreakable and unchangeable. I’m here to let you know that it is possible to have the absolute best time in college while also being sober; I know that because I’m living it.
When I first enrolled in school, I was required to take a couple of training modules, as is typical of most schools. When taking the alcohol consumption knowledge module, I was taken aback that the university included a statistic to show that a certain percentage of students won’t judge you if you don’t drink. The fact that a statistic like that even had to be mentioned shows that being judged was a common concern of incoming freshmen. While the culture here considers drinking the “norm”, it should be noted that sobriety, for a variety of different reasons, is more common than you would think. Studies have even shown that more and more students are abstaining from drinking and around 28% of people on college campuses don’t drink at all.
However, while a surprising number of people are sober on campus, it wouldn’t seem that way just through having conversations with others. I often get asked where I’m going out this weekend or where I’m going for my 21st birthday. Over time those assumptions have gotten slightly tiring, and I want to encourage people to use a more neutral conversation starter such as “do you have weekend plans?”.
Just as you wouldn’t ask someone when they plan to have kids, you shouldn’t ask why someone isn’t drinking. There is around a 50% chance of having some sort of genetic susceptibility to alcohol use disorder, according to the American Addiction Center, and so, with odds like these, you are bound to encounter someone who is choosing to not drink due to their genetic predisposition or family history in addition to the vast number of other reasons that people choose sobriety.
Whether you drink or not, having fun is all about your own mindset and what you make of it rather than external factors. Some of my best memories during my time at college have been staying up late talking in my freshman year dorm, or study sessions that turn into incoherent ramblings from exhausted students. That might not be your idea of fun, and that’s ok! But if you are someone who chooses to drink and you believe you’re completely accepting of your sober friends, I encourage you to ask yourself: “Have I ever met someone and assumed they drink?” A simple question like that can feel like a judgment for those like myself, and so I encourage you to give more thought into your wording. Party culture isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and it’s time we respected that.