Confidence is the best outfit — wear it like a going out top.
The term “male gaze,” coined in the late 20th century, refers to the way media often prioritizes women’s physical appearance and conventional attractiveness over their personality and actions, catering to a male-centric viewership. While this concept originally emerged from media studies, the male gaze is deeply embedded in modern life as well.
I remember sitting with my mom last August, packing up my wardrobe for my freshman year. As I sorted through my clothes, she asked which tops I’d be bringing with me, holding up each one. Eventually, she asked, “What exactly is a ‘going out top’?” My immediate reaction was a sense of discomfort and self-consciousness. I didn’t want my mom to think I was heading to college with the intention of conforming to expectations that objectify women or seeking validation from frat boys whom I was likely to encounter on nights out. By bringing these tops, was I appealing to the male gaze?
It was a simple question, but it got me thinking, what defines a “going out top,” and why do we even feel the need to label clothes based on the attention they might attract? This question ultimately made me reflect, perhaps even spiral, about how I would navigate the world, and my femininity, in college. How could I balance being a “girl’s girl” while also being seen as fun and approachable? How could I be taken seriously, and how much did the way I present myself influence that?
The male gaze is subtle yet pervasive in many college environments. While I truly believe that UW-Madison is the perfect place in every way, I’m also aware that gender dynamics shape our interactions and relationships on campus. It’s important to note that this isn’t inherently negative, as long as we acknowledge its influence.
In academic settings, for instance, women in male-dominated fields may feel they have to prove themselves more than their male counterparts. As I explore different careers in healthcare, I try not to let gender disparities in certain fields cloud my choices, but find it challenging to ignore the intimidation I feel when I walk into a predominantly male section.
The male gaze is also deeply embedded in Greek life and party culture. Male-hosted fraternity parties most frequently have members at the door that can either accept or turn away girls for any reason. Moreso, the ‘top sororities’ seem to be ranked based on how attractive they are to the male fraternities, which encourages a culture of catering to male expectations in order to be liked and climb the college social ladder.
My intention isn’t to condemn male-dominated majors or Greek life, I genuinely love my sorority and look forward to my chemistry discussions. Instead, my goal is to highlight the quiet power of awareness. The male gaze shows up in subtle ways: in the clothes we choose, the majors we consider, even the mindset we bring when walking into a frat party. But by recognizing its presence, we begin to loosen its grip. Awareness is the first step toward empowerment. We can reclaim agency over how we present ourselves, not for validation, but for self-expression. We can be driven, flirty, thoughtful, ambitious, playful, all at once, and all on our own terms. Challenging the male gaze doesn’t mean rejecting femininity or a fun night out, it means embracing our identity in ways that reflect who we are, not who we’re expected to be.
So when my mom asked me, “What exactly is a ‘going out top’?” After a few seconds I looked at her and explained, “A ‘going out top’ is whatever I feel best in, whatever makes me feel confident and most like myself.” Because really, that’s the truth. At the end of the day, dressing up isn’t about performing for the male gaze, it’s about reclaiming how I choose to be seen.