Adjusting the way I think about myself
*Trigger warning: this article mentions disordered eating*
College has been a journey of personal growth for me in many ways. With obvious increases in independence and life changes, I have learned so much about myself since moving to Madison.Â
One of the things that has been weighing on my mind the most in the last couple of months is my mental health. When labeling things, I technically experience general anxiety and depression, and I also have a history of disordered eating. These labels are important, but I also think they can be unhealthy to put too much stress on.
I have been medicated for my anxiety for approximately three years, and this has been a critical and life-changing choice for me. At this point in my life, I can say that I understand my anxiety. I used to feel overwhelmed and confused by the way that my brain processed things, not understanding why I felt the way that I did.Â
Although I absolutely still have moments of frustration and confusion, my biggest accomplishment in my relationship with my anxiety was the way that I framed it. I have made improvements in the way that I label my thought processes and stresses, adjusting my coping mechanisms accordingly. I try my best to write, talk and think things out as they start to overwhelm me. I have stopped treating my anxiety as an invisible evil, but rather as a part of me that I need to acknowledge and work alongside.Â
The other barrier that I have felt the most challenged by is guilt. On an inevitable bad day, when I might take a while to get out of bed, not make it to the gym or eat some takeout, I will feel overwhelming guilt. I feel as if all of my good days are immediately canceled out by a single bad day. This is absolutely not true. I know it is so much easier said than actually felt and understood, but truly, everyone is allowed to have bad days.
For me personally, this is also a tough reality I have had to come to terms with in my relationship with my depression. When a bad day hits, it is even more essential for me to celebrate the small victories. When I get out of bed today and go to my classes, I have to congratulate myself. Great job me!!! I know that was hard, but I did it!!! Rewarding yourself even for the simple and small things is so important when loving your brain.
Loving your brain is one of the most daunting and frustrating processes when dealing with struggles with my mental health. I spent years hating my brain; hating the way that it twisted and changed the way that I perceived simple stressors and everyday interactions. I am still working on being intentional and appreciative of the amazing and positive things that my brain does for me every day.
My brain helps me love my friends and family. My brain helps me accomplish my goals and study the things that I am passionate about. My brain helps me feel empathy and emotion for others and be there for those around me. My brain brings me joy when I meet my goals and laugh with my friends. My brain helps me push my body to accomplish amazing things. My brain makes me who I am.
In no way do I think that I have mastered my struggles with mental health. It is a reality that I will likely be on this journey for the rest of my life. Although this is my truth, I think it is so important to talk about these feelings and normalize these experiences, because so many people feel similarly.Â
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, do not hesitate to ask for help. UW-Madison offers 24/7 Crisis Support, and the hotlines below are always available.
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988
The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ Community – Text START to 678-678 or Call 1-866-488-7386
Crisis Text Line – Text COALITION to 741-741 or chat via crisistextline.org
National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1-800-656-4673