Monday night was the finale of Season 20 of the Bachelor, featuring the show’s most adorable bachelor yet—Ben Higgins. After a season of Juan Pabs repeatedly telling everyone it was okay (when it clearly was not) and Chris Soules struggling to form coherent sentences, it was nice to finally have a Bachelor who was gorgeous, charming and an all around gentleman. But even Mr. Perfect makes mistakes, like telling two women he loved them for example. All the drama culminated in the season finale premiere, and let’s just say it’s been two days and I’m still not over it.
As a member of Team JoJo from the start, I was very invested in the outcome of this finale. Here is my breakdown of the Season 20 Bachelor finale:
The finale begins with Chris Harrison welcoming us to “the most dramatic finale yet.” Yes, he says this every season and yes, I believe him every time.
Ever looking to increase the suspenseful twists in this show, Chris teases that tonight could be the first ever live wedding. Sorry Chris, I’m not buying it.
We all know there’s going to be no live wedding, and yet you brought in that poor pastor, who has clearly never been in front of a camera before and has no idea what he’s doing.
Before “Meet the Higgins’” commences, Ben explains to his parents that he’s in love with two women. His mother kindly reminds him that he is not a polygamist, and therefore has to pick a woman.
In Ben’s defense, I experience a powerful internal war when trying to select a pair of shoes to wear in the morning, so I can only imagine the predicament Ben is in right now.
Ben expresses his concern that his and Lauren’s relationship is “too good to be true” because it’s been all sunshine and hot tubs up until this point. That’s probably because you’ve been to busy making out to have any difficult conversations.
Lauren meets Ben’s parents, tells them how much she loves Ben, how ready she is for marriage, blah blah blah—I’m bored at this point.
Next, JoJo arrives in all her perfection. Not only does she demonstrate more intellectual depth than Lauren right off the bat, but she gets emotional with both of his parents. She says that Ben is her best friend.
It’s pretty clear Ben’s mom is hardcore Team JoJo and (obviously) so am I.
For the billionth time, Ben is all, “I’m in love with two women. This is a really hard situation.”
It’s final one-on-one time with Lauren B. I was immediately intrigued by the boat-hammock that they’re lying on, and to be honest, I spent the majority of this portion of the episode scouring the Internet for how to get one.
The one-on-one ends with a sense of deep consternation. Wait a second—is there trouble in paradise? Is the constant sucking face not enough to keep these two together? Once gain, not buying it. I’ve seen this movie before and I know powers of producer editing are at play.
After I’ve officially accepted the fact that I don’t have the funds to buy my own boat-hammock, it’s time for JoJo’s one-on-one. They once again have real and meaningful conversations while also being cute and adorable. I’m sorry, but how is this a tie???
Oh dear, this is getting intense. She’s sitting on the bathroom floor and crying. Definitely been there done that, and let me tell you, it’s no picnic. BEN, JUST TELL HER SHE’S THE ONE AND RELIEVE US ALL FROM THIS MISERY.
Apparently, all this floundering in the ocean and bathroom crying has not helped Ben reach a conclusion on who his soul mate is. My patience for his indecision is decreasing, and my temper is rapidly rising.
Neil Lane, who has never spoken on this show about anything except for cut and carrot size, all of a sudden decides to question Ben about the deep psyche of his future bride. And then, like magic, Ben experiences an epiphany and knows exactly who it is he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He’s all, “Hey thanks Neil, now I see the light.”
The two ladies of course fly in on helicopters, because if there’s one thing The Bachelor producers love, it’s helicopters.
And now it’s the moment of truth—we’re about to find out which poor, unfortunate soul will step out of helicopter and head on her way to be publicly dumped. The door opens, a silver heel steps on the grass, and….
NO!!! NOT THE PINK DRESS! NOT JOJO!
Amidst my onslaught of profanity, I watch Chris Harrison give the poor girl a coy smile as he walks her toward her doom. She finally gets to Ben, where he proceeds to let her go on and on about how much she loves him—to which he responds, “Yeah so I know I told you I loved you, and like I do, but I also, like, love somebody else more. So bye.”
At this point, all I can think about is JoJo’s brothers, who have likely devised a careful and elaborate plan on how to beat Ben to a pulp.
In perfect gentleman fashion, Ben calls Lauren’s dad for his blessing. Then Lauren copters in, she meets Ben, she pours out her heart, he pours out his, she says “oh my God” an excessive amount of times, and voilà, they’re engaged. As happy as I am for Ben, I’m still processing the fact that he didn’t choose the person he claimed was his “best friend.”
After an emotional rollercoaster that frankly I’m still riding, we switch to “After the Rose.” JoJo comes on and talks very nicely (almost too nicely) about the devastating break-up. I mean, the guy who told her he loved her repeatedly dumped her on national television! Personally, I’d still be a little salty. She even smiles sweetly as they talk about how Lauren was obviously the one.
I think, “Maybe she’s holding her poise for the camera. Maybe she really is that understanding of a person.” And then it all becomes clear. Ladies and gentleman, meet your new Bachelorette!
I guess if I was being paid to date 25 gorgeous guys, I’d find it in my heart to move on too.
After this glorious announcement, Lauren comes on, and for the first time, they announce their engagement publicly.
Then Chris Harrison, who has been giddy with mischief this entire evening, asks Ben and Lauren if they want to get married RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. Shockingly (not), they say no.
As the show wraps up, I’m cheering along with the audience, but that’s only because I’m so happy for the pastor that he gets to go home now.
While the outcome was not what I expected or preferred, I’m very happy that Ben was able to find love. It’s going to be a difficult task to find another Bachelor as charming as him. In the meantime, the countdown begins to Season 12 of The Bachelorette!