Take it from this deaf girl; being in a romantic relationship with a disability can work beautifully.
I am deaf, and I wouldn’t change this for the world. I was born profoundly deaf in both ears and grew up with bilateral cochlear implants (WebMD). I wasn’t able to speak until I was 5 years old. I have relied on sign language interpreters, speech therapists and special education teachers my entire life. Cochlear implants are not a quick fix for deafness. It takes years to translate the digitized sounds into tangible words and sentences. Eventually, I learned how to sign, speak and listen. It is still not perfect, though. Most days, I am exhausted from listening fatigue. I feel like I have to put in twice the work just to keep up with others. But, I figured out what works best for me. My deafness makes me view things differently, and I’m grateful for that.
My partner and I have known each other for years and have been officially together for a little over a year now. He is also a UW-Madison student. We love eating good food on campus, watching too much Netflix and griping over upcoming exams. He is hearing. People observing our relationship may view us both as able-bodied. I only speak, and my listening skills are decent. If you saw me, you probably wouldn’t notice my cochlear implants. But, this past year has been a process of learning from one another as we navigate how our deafness and hearing collide. He has been able to truly understand how I experience deafness because he doesn’t just see what passerbys see. Based on my experiences, I would like to list some things to know about being in an interabled relationship.
- Patience, patience, patience
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Every relationship presents its challenges. If you are disabled and looking for a romantic partner, make sure you choose someone who is willing to listen. Observe if they’re actively trying to accommodate your needs. Your partner’s true character will shine through in their small efforts. For example, my partner started picking up basic sign language in the early stages of our relationship. He’s not fluent, but it makes it much easier for me to communicate with him. If your partner rolls their eyes or gets frustrated quickly, I’d suggest putting their things in the box to the left.
- Ask questions and express your needs
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If you are in the earlier dating stages with a disabled person and have no idea how to support them, simply ask them. Show them empathy in this unaccommodating world. But make sure that your questions are respectful and are not invasive. If you are disabled, remember that you are allowed to set boundaries. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, you do not owe them your entire life story. As they gain more trust, you can reveal more information about your disability. Try to see if they are respectful of you and your disability. Do they ask appropriate questions and offer assistance? Go you! But also be on the lookout for red flags; your safety is #1. At the end of this article, there is information for support resources.
- Screw what other people think!
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There are many misconceptions surrounding disabilities. I have had to debunk many myths about deafness in my lifetime. If someone outside of your relationship wants to judge without any background knowledge, don’t pay them any mind. You and your partner know your relationship better than anyone else. Don’t let stereotypes about your disability get you down.
Above all, never forget to love all of the parts of yourself as you love someone else. Go forth and happy dating!
Resources:
- Rape Crisis Center Helpline:
- (608) 251-7273 (English)
- (608) 258-2567 (Spanish)
- Domestic Abuse Intervention Services:
- Crisis lines: (608) 251-4445
- 1-800-747-4045
- Disability Rights Wisconsin: 1-800-928-8778
- TTY: 888-758-6049
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline Deaf Services: 1-855-812-1001
- Deaf Unity