AND LIFE LESSONS ON INDEPENDENCE AND RELATIONSHIPS
I recently reread one of my favorite books of all time, Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton. The memoir explores the rollercoaster of her teenage years and twenties, with friends and boyfriends that come and go along the way. Additionally, this memoir is about the most important relationship of all: the one with oneself, in learning to cherish and love oneself, with or without a partner. I return to this book frequently, as it is an incredible reminder to value your independence and friendships, while finding love in everything around you.
Throughout the book, we learn how Alderton’s perception of love changes, not only through the stories themselves, but also in chapters titled “Everything I Knew About Love as a Teenager,” “Everything I Know About Love at Thirty” and a few in between. In the first chapter, Alderton recalls how she believed that romance was above all else, and as an adult, you have failed in life if you don’t get married. Unfortunately, this view of love slightly reminded me of my teenage years. Luckily, I grew out of this stage, and Alderton did too. At thirty, she has an admirable view of love, revealed by the final chapter. The author finds that “When you’re looking for love and it seems like you might not ever find it, remember you probably have access to an abundance of it already, just not the romantic kind.” This quote essentially sums up the main message of the book, that you don’t lack love, and you don’t need it from a romantic partner to be fulfilled.
When you let go of the idea that love is most valuable in a romantic setting, you can see that it’s everywhere you look. Self-love and platonic love are, in fact, enough, and they are just as valuable as love from a partner. Viewing love in this way encouraged me to prioritize my friendships and interests, while feeling fulfilled in all aspects of my life, with or without a relationship. Additionally, after reading this book, I began to notice the signs of love in anything and everything. Cooking myself a warm meal, practicing yoga and going to bed early are all acts of self-love. The decorated fridge in my apartment and the collection of candles on my TV stand are symbols of the love shared with my roommates. Love is all around you when you start to look for it.
Reading this book has also encouraged me to take the pressure off of romantic relationships. Rather than feeling like romance is a necessity for my adult life, I can picture a joyful, fulfilled life with or without a partner. This view of love also helps keep my standards high and not settle for what I know I don’t deserve.
If you’re looking for an entertaining read or need a new perspective on love, I highly recommend Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love. With humorous stories of romantic adventures and navigating her twenties, this book is sure to keep you entertained and leave you aware of the abundance of love all around you.