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9 Times Fresh Off the Boat Answered All the Questions You Have for Asians

I know you mean well; I understand that you’re just genuinely curious; and I understand that it’s just frustrating when people equate you to a racist when you’re just trying to learn more about our culture.  Luckily for you, Fresh off the Boat can answer these questions for once and for all.

1.      “Have you eaten dogs?”

Just kidding… OF COURSE NOT! Who eats dogs? Just look at them, they’re so cute!

2.      “How are you such a cool Asian?”

I don’t know? Maybe because I’m just a cool PERSON? There are a lot of cool people in the world, and it has nothing to do with my skin color. Many other Asians are also a part of the “cool” community. Trust me on this one.

3.      “Are your parents super strict?”

Yes, they were, but that’s just my parents. Let’s be real though, we both know that there are strict parents everywhere. It’s not just an Asian thing.

4.      “Wait can you teach me how to say your real name!”

Don’t worry, my name is real. But if you mean, “teach me how to say your Asian name,” I’ll gladly do so (as long as you’re making a genuine effort in pronouncing it the right way).  

5.      “Oh my gosh, how come you look exactly like Lucy Lu?”

I appreciate the compliment (I think it’s a compliment?), but I look nothing like her.

6.      “Wait— so you speak Cantonese and Chinese, does that mean you understand Japanese too?”

That’s like saying, “Wait— so you speak English, so you must understand Italian”. Get it? They are actually two completely different languages.

7.      “So you’re from (enter Asian country name), I know someone that’s from (enter Asian country name), do you know him/her?”

Translation: “Wait you’re from New York? I know someone from New York. Do you know John Smith?” That’s cool, but there are about more than 8 million people in New York.

8.      “Are you, like, REALLY good at math?”

I can be—sometimes, it’s not always the case though. But we also have many other talents!

9.      (Has two drinks, and eyes turn red) “Are you high?”

It’s the Asian glow, our face (and sometimes our eyes) just turns red as soon as alcohol enters our body— we have a deficient gene. It’s an actual thing, Google it.

It happens, it’s okay. We, Asians, don’t know everything about other cultures either— it’s a learning process. Now that I’ve answered your questions, do me a favor—just stop asking us these questions, please?

Haidee is a sophomore from Hong Kong at University of Wisconsin- Madison pursuing majors in Journalism and Sociology. Inspired by the humor and kindness of Ellen DeGeneres, Haidee aspires to be a journalist who dedicates her talents to human interest story or lifestyle story reporting (aka. someone who eats for a living). On top of being a die-hard Patriots fan and a New Girl addict, Haidee is also the ultimate foodie.
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