I’ve had to do the whole college thing through a trial and error process. No one can really prepare you for everything you need to know in college. Or can they? If only these classes were taught at UW-Madison.
1) How to Be Domestic
Learn how to keep your room clean for longer than a day, how to *properly* use a fire extinguisher, how to not burn your popcorn, how to make your bed, and other difficult household activities.
2) Cooking for Broke, Lazy Collegiettes
This course will teach you how to cook a variety of *actually filling* meals with the smallest amount of (cheap) ingredients. Apple cutter, blender, food processor, and vegetable slicer ALL provided.
3) Bow Down B&%#(*$
This class will help you channel your inner Sasha Fierce and become as ***flawless as you can be. Involves creating alter ego and maintaining said ego throughout the course. The class helps you channel your inner fierceness and perfect your strut.
4) College Relationships Survival Session
Is this a long-term relationship? Are you wasting your time? Is he really that immature, or is it just because he’s around his friends? All these questions analyzed and more.
5) Avoiding the Sophomore Slump
This class is dedicated towards managing your time efficiently so as not to avoid the dreaded sophomore slump, while still managing time for Netflix.
6) Kill the Insta Game
This class tests your knowledge on filters, different editing apps, and how to snap the perfect Insta. Selfie extraordinaire Kim Kardashian guest lectures.
7) Dating 101
This course aims to teach collegiates how to go on a successful date. Ettiquette lessons and all.
8) DIY Pinterest
This course involves tackling the crafts on your Pinterest one pin at a time.
Glue guns, markers, paper, ribbon, paint, and everything artsy you could ever imagine, ALL provided. Pinterest expert Lauren Conrad guest lectures.
9) Dressing for Wisconsin Winter Without Looking Like a Gigantic Marshmellow
Learn how to style yourself and create layers with coats, jackets, scarves, hats, etc. ALL provided to master the perfect snowbunny look that doesn’t scream “I can’t move a muscle in my body because I have so many layers on.” Fashion icons like Rachel Zoe guest lecture.
Okay, so most of these classes are pretty far-fetched and I should probably figure out how to use a fire extinguisher, but the Bow Down B&%#(*! course isn’t too far off from “Beyoncé Feminim, Rihanna Womanism,” a new class introduced at the University of Texas. What do you say Madison?!