Let’s face it, humans do some pretty annoying things. There are plenty of reasons why you would want a giant cupcake after dealing with them all day. Food has never intentionally annoyed us, sabotaged us, or made us feel like crap. This is pretty rare to come by these days. So here’s an ode to you, food. Keep doing what you’re doing. We like you a lot better than that guy who never texted us back.
1. Sushi never posted a 200 second Snapchat story of their supposedly “amazing” night out
2. Chocolate chip cookies will never eye roll at anything you say
3. Pizza doesn’t judge you when you’re 15 episodes in on a Friends Netflix binge
4. Donut’s don’t leave you out of their weekend plans
5. Cheesecake won’t tell you that you may or may not have gained the freshman 15 and you should probably get to the gym ASAP6. Guacamole doesn’t act super interested in you, say he will text you, DOESN’T, and then act like nothing happened.7. Turkey subs don’t subtweet
8. Omelets can’t tell you they like you back, but if they could I bet they would
9. Cheeseburgers don’t ask you if you have a boyfriend at every single holiday gathering10. French fries don’t make you feel like a complete and total failure like a bad midterm grade does
11. Quesadillas don’t judge you for spending your entire savings online shopping
12. Doritos don’t spread rumors
13. Sour Patch Kids don’t talk during the ENTIRE movie
14. Orange chicken would never post an extremely ugly photo of you as their woman crush Wednesday on Instagram
15. Waffles would never cut you off while driving
16. Bagels let you take as many naps as you want
17. Nobody’s significant other was ever stolen by Pringles
18. Bacon would never swipe left on your Tinder
19. Chicken nuggets don’t obnoxiously chew their gum during lecture20. Fried rice would never tell your secret that you told your friend not to tell anyone about, but she did anyway.
21. Cupcakes don’t put you into awkward situations
22. Cheese curds would never bring up the fact that you had Ian’s, Qdoba, and McDonalds in a span of three hours last nightFood, we love you.