It’s the night before the election, and I don’t know who I’m voting for. You may be shocked at my blatant admittance of this, but I can barely decide what to eat for lunch or remember MLA, let alone participate in deciding who becomes the next @POTUS handler. Yet I can guarantee that many millennials are in the same boat. We’re currently floating down a sea of American insecurities and candidate lies… neither of which I see being solved by a main party candidate. So where does that leave me? Do I write in my charming Golden Retriever, or do I find a third party candidate (not that they’re any better than my Golden)?
As I sit in my Rudolph onesie contemplating this dilemma, I’ve compiled a list of things I’d rather vote for than either political party candidate in the 2016 election.
1. An avocado
Unlike Donald Trump, avocados can mature quickly.
2. My iPhone
Because unlike Hillary Clinton, my phone is really good at saving emails.
3. A box of chocolates
Forrest Gump famously reminded us that, “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” Except, with Trump, we know we’re going to end up with a caucasian country.
4. Sweet potato
Because at least orange looks good on this pile of carbs.
5. My dog
She loves everyone regardless of race, religion, sexual standing, wealth, etc.
6. Irene Bergman
The recently late Irene Bergman died with the title of longest working woman on Wall Street. To Trump: she immigrated to America as a teenager (take that). To Hillary: she’s actually held a working-class job.
7. The Queen of England
Either way, we’re royally screwed.
8. My down comforter
At the end of the day, at least that’s something that can provide me comfort
9. Lin Manuel Miranda
Like you need a reason
10. Anna Wintour
Like both Trump and Hillary, everyone fears her, but no one’s afraid to give her a position of power.
11. Voldemort
Hey, he was a smart guy.
12. Jean Valjean
He only stole a loaf of bread… Trump still owes taxes.
13. Winston
#Winston4Prez
14. Alexander Hamilton
Bastard, immigrant, united war vet that deserves a chance at his shot (plus both Trump and Hillary would never support a federalist!!)
15. Jenna Marbles
16. Leslie Knope
Now that’s a female president I would be proud to stand behind
Regardless of how confused I may be when it comes to my political stance this election, I will vote. I will vote because it’s my right as a woman and my duty as an American. I will vote based on things that are important to me– education, women’s rights and the financial standing of our country. Before you vote, I encourage you to determine who, not what party, supports the majority of your beliefs. I will be proud to vote this election, regardless my disdain for the party choices, because for the first time in my adult life, I will participate in the outcome of a nation I’m proud to be part of.