It’s the most terrible time of the year: Moving Szn. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I’d rather go on a date to McDonalds with the Whaboom guy from Bachelorette than carry a futon up three flights of stairs in this heat. So, with that, I gift to you my pessimistic thoughts.
1. After handing over your last rent check:
As a follow up, I also declare ramen for dinner tonight.
2. When your roommate has the audacity to say that you missed a spot after you get carpal tunnel syndrome from scrubbing the floorboards so hard:
Now is not the time to test me, Angela.
3. When you realize you’re going to be homeless because your next lease doesn’t begin for another two weeks:
What do you mean I can’t sleep on Bascom Hill? People nap here all the time.
4. When you walk past someone who looks like they need help lifting that boulder into their moving van:
I mean, I probably wouldn’t have helped much anyway.
5. When your parents come down to help you and ask you how the packing is going so far:
What? You’re the ones who taught me that honesty is the best policy.
6. When your roommate asks if you could help them carry a box that’s busting at the seams:
Yeah, you know what? That’s my mom; I really need to take that.
7. When all of your roommates move out before you:
Has the clock always ticked that loud?
8. After you shove satan’s last box into the car:
Did I have a heart attack between the second and third floor? Because I definitely felt something, and it wasn’t Drake’s lyrics.
9. Watching your old home through the window like a music video as you drive away:
Cue 7 Things by Miley Cyrus.
10. When the most terrible season of all comes to an end:
And to be clear, I am not talking about cuffing season.
Moving szn is an activity that goes through the process of natural selection; it is not meant for the weak. If you cannot take the heat, just tap out while you still can and resign that lease. In other words: #WWMSD (What Would Michael Scott Do)?