Buckle in pals, this one is a doozy.
I recently just went on a first date. I knew relatively nothing about this human and we happened to be going to a function together. To my utter joy, I was so excited to spend the night with a complete stranger, while only knowing my best friend at this function. Don’t worry, safety was the first priority. Turns out this must have been the worst first date I had been on, and I had been on some pretty bad first dates.
Here’s how it went down:
I was left alone with my best friend for most of the night when their date wasn’t all over them. I ended up ordering a lot of things for myself (the “batting-the-eyelashes” technique didn’t work) and trust me, there is nothing wrong with being an independent person. I am the first to preach this to anyone, but being in a new situation where I had no idea the lay of the land, I was hoping my date would be able to help get me through it. Instead, he kept disappearing all night (for potentially illegal activities). We barely had anything in common, and he thought his date (me) was going to be someone else. Talk about a great time.
Ultimately, it was probably the worst first date I had ever been on. Isn’t a function supposed to help with nerves? I came to the realization that I hate dating. There, I said it. I hate going on dates, the act of dating, anything that implies a romantic notion in the form of a date, I just don’t like it. But why? Why now? I had previously thought dating was fun and it can be, but being on bad dates after bad dates, it turns out it’s not fun anymore. I felt like a sore thumb sticking out at this event, like I had a sign on my head that said, “Hello, please talk to me,” because I was desperate to interact with people that weren’t my best friend or my date that wasn’t talking to me.
So I set out to find why I had come to this realization and the answer was quite simple. The people I had been going on dates with were crappy. It turned out that I was settling in who I was allowing romantically to come into my life. Not everyone is made for everyone and that is a beautiful thing because people are unique and different. But allowing myself to settle for what I thought I deserved and what I truly deserved was an eye-opener. I like to say that I’ll go on a date with a person at least once, to see if they fit my “type” or if we get along, but ultimately I am learning that it is okay to be selfish in what I need in a romantic partner. Learning this has really helped me to understand that I deserve to be in an equal partnership and that someone should be helping me grow and not stopping the growth that I made.
So, maybe I don’t hate dating. Maybe I do. I’m not really sure. But one thing is certain, I am done settling because settling gets you nowhere.