In light of Valentines Day quickly approaching, I felt compelled to talk about one of my least favorite canon events that I’ve experienced as a college student so far: being in a situationship. I’m not a relationship expert, but even if you didn’t recognize it as such, if you have dabbled in the college dating scene you have most likely been in one. At first the idea of it sounds great, being able to have that one person around whether that be just for sexual purposes or because you actually like them without having relationship responsibilities and commitment. But eventually, someone always either gets hurt or their time wasted and I know that I’m tired of the games. Here’s what I’ve learned from my experiences and why I feel like we should do away with them altogether.
A situationship is a new term that has come to describe “friends-with-benefits” or “no-strings-attached” arrangements that are the grey area between friendship and romantic relationships. For me it’s looked like this: a boy shows interest in me and we start liking each other. Things are going great, however, we both agree that we both don’t want a relationship for a variety of reasons. But, we still continue on as if we are together; going on dates, seeing each other all the time, texting and calling day and night. Then, something happens when we both realize that we are on two totally different pages and want two different things. It’s usually been an issue of “not wanting to miss out on the college experience” which is really code for being able to do whatever you want AND keeping the other person around just because. And because I saw the potential in where things could go with that boy I continued to act the same, knowing that it wasn’t going anywhere. But in the end, we both ended up not speaking at all and waisting months of each others time for no reason.
So what are some signs that you and the person you’re talking to are in one?
- There’s no label on the relationship you have with that person.
- Even though you both are talking to each other, they have shown signs are made it clear that they are also talking to other people.
- There’s constant inconsistency, especially between the words they say and their actions.
- There’s no growth, it feels like things are never going anywhere.
- They don’t make time for you.
- A lot of conversations have a sexual nature and always come back to that.
- It feels like you have to ask them “What are we?”
Looking back now, it’s so easy to see how this all could have been avoided if one of us was smart enough to leave things where they started getting complicated. But, it does get hard to want to do that, especially once you start creating an attachment to that person. The truth is, if that person really wants to make a commitment to you and has pure intentions, they will make that known through their actions. Unfortunately, it’s very common for a lot of people, particularly in college, to want to have their cake and eat it to; get the benefits of having you around without having to treat you as their partner.
Some hard truths that I have learned are that, dating is supposed to be easy. If it’s making you constantly question yourself or the other person than it’s just simply not meant to be. We are all not going to be compatible with every person that we have interest in or that has interest in us. While valuing and listening to your feelings are important, having peace of mind is equally important too, even if that means having to end something with someone that you like. Really, we are young and there are going to be so many other people that we meet in our lifetimes. This one person will not be the end all be all.
The most important thing that I’ve realized in handling these situations is that your priorities and wants should be what matters the most. I’ve had my fair share of dealing with them and I’ve realized that while low commitment and maintenance relationships seem fun, that’s not the type of relationships I want for myself in the long run. I’ve had to ask myself, why should I settle and accept less when there is better out there?
All in all, a simple conversation addressing what it is that both people want and their intentions can save both people from unnecessary heartbreak and the games. I feel like it’s important to always remember that you don’t have to sit around and entertain someone that isn’t on the same timing as you. It’s okay to accept that things won’t work out how you thought they would and be happy that you got out before you got hurt.