Dating in this generation has always been a hassle. From having to worry about whether or not you’re sharing your partner with their other three partners to staying in the talking stage for 12 million years, dating has never been something that was met with high expectations. You don’t know whether or not someone genuinely has feelings for you or if they’re just talking to you to make time go by faster. As if that wasn’t already hard enough, dating as a person of color(POC) at a predominantly white institution(PWI), is an entirely different ball game. Many of the downfalls of dating as a POC stems from how quickly information travels through their communities and the lack of selection in regards to picking a suitable partner. Here are a few warning signs and ways to ensure that your relationship does not succumb to the pressures of dating at a PWI.
When attending a PWI, most POC tend to gravitate towards each other or end up having their own mini versions of campus life that is strictly catered to them. With that being said, everybody tends to know everybody. With everyone knowing everyone, everyone knows your business. You could make things official with Steven on Tuesday and have half of the black people on your campus know by Tuesday night. So, essentially, you don’t even get the chance to relish in your relationship before everyone else starts inserting themselves into it. This also ties in with not being able to find a suitable partner.
Just as much as people know your business, you have the capabilities to know theirs as well. With that being said, you will ALWAYS know about the past entanglements of anybody that you are trying to pursue. That or many of the POC men on your campus are not into women of color or the types of men that you are into are not Women of Color. It’s like a constant reminder that so and so had the same type of relationship you had with your partner or that you have to settle in order to be with someone. Sick to even think about something like right? On the other hand, dating at a PWI is not always a bad experience. The experience can really be joyous and essentially make your relationship but, you have to be willing to withstand the obstacles that are thrown your way.
A few tips and tricks that I have learned in regards to having a thriving relationship as a POC on a PWI–even though I am not in one myself– and keeping people out of your personal life are: stop telling people who/what you’re doing and learning that privacy does not equate to secrecy. Many of the downfalls that people have when it comes to being in relationships, whether that be minorities in a relationship or not, is the fact that everybody wants everyone to know everything they are doing.
They want to be praised for things instead of being in the moment and relishing in the happiness of being with their partner. We have to learn that sometimes, it is better to keep the things and the people that make us happy to ourselves so they can continue to do so. This does not mean you have to keep your partner or the status of your relationship a secret. You just have to learn to differentiate the act of letting people know you are in a relationship as opposed to letting people know everything that goes on in said relationship.
Moral of the story, dating is hard no matter what your race is. You just have to be willing to withstand the impending obstacles that come with it and…just learn how to keep your business as your business.