Dear perpetually single collegiettes,
It seems like there are four types of girls in this world when it comes to relationships:
1. Girls who ALWAYS have a boyfriend and are ready to settle down at any moment.
2. Girls who sporadically have serious boyfriends.
3. Girls who cannot commit to one guy (but always have one).
4. And then there’s the perpetually single ladies. (i.e. us.)
At first glance, this seems like an excuse for a pity party, but in reality, it’s the exact opposite. There is no denying that any girl would love to have a guy around to go on dates with, lay in bed and watch movies with, or take cute Instagram pics with, BUT that’s also what friends are for! I know it’s not the same, but I digress… Now you may be single for just one reason or for a handful of reasons.
You may just not be interested in being in a relationship and that’s okay. You may be like me and just be too picky, which isn’t a bad thing; you know what you do and don’t want. You may even be terrified of a serious commitment. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—IT’S OKAY. I will say though, you are not single because you are unwanted. Even if you may feel like that sometimes, just remember that there is a time and place for everything. Your prince’s golden chariot may have just gotten a flat tire while on his way to sweep you off of your feet. Every woman must go through a phase where she discovers what she does and doesn’t want in life.
She has to figure out who she is, what she values, and what qualities she desires in another person. She must take the time to develop into someone who can handle being in a mature relationship. You cannot depend on another person before you learn how to depend on yourself. This is one of the most important lessons my mother has ever taught me. She and my father divorced when I was in the seventh grade and they both have recently remarried roughly six years later. After it happened, I sat by and watched as my mom grew as a person and became more independent while raising me and my older sister.
It was painful and difficult, but in the end, she found the person she was meant to spend her life with. It was all worth it. I would never wish for someone to go through this phase mid-marriage, but sometimes it happens. Most of the time though, girls experience this when they are in college and away from their families for the first time—forcing them to become independent. Of course, you will always have your friends to lean on when you need help—that’s a huge part of why we have friends in the first place! Ultimately though, you dictate what you do with your life.
You decide whether to go to the library or that party, to say yes to a date, or even just go out to eat. You don’t need anyone else’s permission or accompaniment. It may suck to have to spend so much time riding solo, but instead of looking at what you are lacking (a boy), gaze at the learning experience you gain from it. You may not realize it, but you’ve become stronger and are likely not as needy as you may have been before.
You don’t need another person to “complete” you because you’ve already found yourself. When that person does come along, though, they’ll be there to inspire and encourage you—to be your biggest fan. You won’t have to rely on them for every little thing because you already know how to do it on your own. You have to learn to be okay by yourself before you can bring another person into the picture. Hang in there collegiettes! Your prince is coming sooner or later!
HCXO