Sometimes amazing things happen to us.
Wonderful, amazing things.
Things that we’ve worked really hard for
Or things we’ve been waiting forever for.
Or things thought we’d never get to experience.
These things, events, moments, opportunities, and on and on occur to us and we are filled with joy. Especially now at this time of year when we’re hearing the results of applications and interviews we find ourselves finally setting down paths that would change our lives for the better. It’s exciting. It’s lovely! It’s INCREDIBLE! It’s nerve wracking.
I know for a lot of us something hits you when you finally get a good thing. That instant heart dropper that goes- okay so now what? How does this get screwed up? What hurts us now? We force ourselves not to be happy because at any moment it could be taken away.
This often comes as a response to a long period of time where things weren’t good. When you spend most of your life watching everything get taken from you it starts to become your expectation. This also can occur repeatedly to general overthinkers- the people who are always worrying about even the most impossible of circumstances. In any case, an attitude is adopted in order to protect ourselves from when that dreaded moment finally does arrive. Once the rug is pulled out from under us we won’t be left shocked. We’ll just dust ourself off and move on to the next thing.
I’ve fallen into this pattern a lot in my life. I’m a person who loves to share when I have something to be excited about, but inside I try to force my happiness to water down. I remind myself of all the ways this thing could be or could go wrong. I never noticed how much it really happened until I began the work to address my overthinking. I was told to start asking myself,
“Okay, right, but what if nothing bad happens?”
What if nothing bad happens?
What if this good thing actually turns out to be a good thing? This whole time I was sulking through it waiting for it to be bad, and now it’s over yet- I never got to be happy once. All because I was waiting for it to sour. All because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m telling myself that suppressing my happiness is a form of protection, but truly I’m putting the weight of preparing for that disaster onto myself. If things really do go wrong, I’m not avoiding a weight, I’m switching from the weight of preparation to the weight of disappointment. It’s not that the weight is gone- I’m just used to it by now. I don’t notice the change. To make matters worse, even when that disappointment comes I know I’ll suppress that too! In a way, I don’t ever get to feel anything. I experience no part of this moment that I’ve been looking forward to. I shouldn’t have to live like that. I should allow myself to be happy. No, I don’t know how long it will last, but that’s exactly why I should allow it because I don’t know how long I’ll get to hold onto it. Something bad could happen. It could. Until then I’m going to be happy. Until then I’m going to rejoice in this. When that time comes, I’ll feel those emotions too, in their entirety. I’ll at least try.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I, or anyone, should force themselves to be happy about something. If something you thought you were excited about doesn’t spark joy the way you thought it would, that’s a different scenario. It’s when happiness arises on its own and we force it down that we’re keeping ourselves from feeling the joy we DESERVE. It’s hard to do. When you’ve resigned yourself to a specific set of feelings or even numbness it can be the hardest thing in the world to find a way to feel the intensity of happiness again. I constantly put this reminder in my articles about inner work that it takes so much effort to address these ways of thinking. It takes effort and the effort goes on for so much longer than you think it will. But it starts to pay off, it truly does. At some point you start to realize that happiness feels so differently than you ever thought. Happiness without strings attached feels so beautiful. And it all starts with a simple thought
“What if nothing bad happens?”
“What if the other shoe never drops?”
“What if I feel this happiness just until it does?”