Everyone says college is all about finding yourself and being “true to who you are.” Well, I think that’s a load of crap. Everyone says the solution to your problems and the magical cure to all mental crisis is “finding yourself” (insert SpongeBob meme with the rainbow). Every time I ask someone to define that term, they give me the weirdest suggestions: take a bubble bath, write in a journal for five minutes, drink extra water, eat a kiwi. Well, you know what Buzzfeed, I don’t want to eat a kiwi. I’ve decided that since I don’t like the lists that people use to “find themselves,” I would make my own. So here you go ladies, here is my big fat list of things I realized that helped me find myself in this new college world.
- Be selfish sometimes. When you go on a plane, a thing they stress is putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. In a perfect life, everyone can take on everyone else’s problems on top of their own. I don’t know about you guys, but that sounds so stressful. Being a “therapist” to your friends all the time is exhausting. Make sure you are prioritizing your needs before you take on someone else’s. The hardest part of that, at least for me, was realizing that it’s ok to say no. The world won’t explode, you’ll just be saying that it’s not the best thing for you in that scenario. Besides, if someone gets mad at you for prioritizing your needs, then they shouldn’t be there in the first place.
- Not everyone likes you. That’s ok. Guess what? You don’t like everyone. That’s also ok. For so long I looked for approval in everyone that I saw. I would change the way I acted around certain people. I tried way too hard to be funny. Then one day I saw a girl that I thought was the nicest, most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Then, someone called her a bitch. They were saying things that I had never even heard anyone say about her. That’s when it hit me, there will always be a person who has something bad to say. I also realized she didn’t care. She was still living her own life. She wasn’t even trying. She was just herself, and I wanted that. So, I stopped trying so hard to change myself around different people. I finally wore clothes I liked instead of matching others. I talked like a normal person. After a while, I just began living my life that way. I didn’t feel the need to do my makeup so people would think I’m pretty. I knew I was, and anyone who thought otherwise didn’t matter. I know it can be hard to walk around with no insecurities, even I still struggle with it. But a big part of the journey to self-discovery is being ok walking in your own skin. I mean, it is yours anyways. Treat her well!
- Do what you love. If someone can keep up with you while you, do it, then say hello. This was the advice I got the summer before I left for college, and it’s the only advice I’ve truly taken to heart. I looked for validation and acceptance in every single boy I met. One of the biggest things on my college agenda was to find love and live a rom-com life. Well, here’s the thing about rom coms; if they happened in real life, we would all be really creeped out. Here’s what I mean, look at the TV show Friends. Now I would say spoiler alert, but that show is almost twenty years old, if you haven’t watched it by now, then you’re probably never going to. In the last episode, Rachel gets off a plane taking her to her dream job just so she can continue to be in love with Ross. That is absolutely insane. No one in their right mind would turn down a dream job for a guy she met in New York (I know they have a baby but still). I know for a fact, especially on my campus, there are some scrubs out there. Remember what I said about putting yourself first? Romance and passion are amazing things, but if they’re stopping you from being where you want to be in life, then it’s just not right. I’m a firm believer that the right person comes when the universe tells them to. Don’t just be sitting around waiting for it.
I’m sure I could write a million more things that I used, but these were my top three. I started the therapeutic process two years ago and I’m still walking through it today. I learned a lot of hard lessons while finding myself. The funny thing is, when I started finding her, she turned out to be pretty cool. I’m not saying it’s an overnight change and that bubble baths and kiwis don’t help, I’m sure they do in some way. My main point is that it can be hard to define what “finding yourself” is in words. I was confused when I first heard that term. Now look at me, I’m in college, I feel more confident, I’m finally living for me, not just to please others. You don’t have to take my advice, no one is going to force you too. But if you do try it, let me know how it goes!