I don’t know what my future holds, and that’s okay.
There are some things in life that we seem to be so sure of, whether it be getting our degree, finding that perfect guy and settling down to raise a family or getting the job you’ve wanted for years. These are the things that we are working hard towards now, so that later on we won’t be disappointed. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, lately. All of the “tell us your major and what you want to do with it” questions really have had me pondering what it is I really want my future to look like.
I’m the type of girl who enjoys making plans.
I like having a schedule and sticking by it. I’m early everywhere I go (thanks to my high school volleyball coach), and I get really excited when the time comes close to doing something that I’ve been looking forward to. With that being said, it’s kind of scary for me to think about what my future will consist of considering I have no idea.
At one point in time I was so sure of what my life would be like later on. Every time I was asked in high school where I saw myself in 10 years, it was the same response every single time: Graduating college, getting married, starting a family and loving my job. That was it. There was no doubt about it that thats what I wanted, and that’s what I was going to get. And that’s still what I want.
But lately, I haven’t been too sure as to whether or not thats how my life is going to go. Questions such as “Will I find the right guy for me in college?”, “What kind of job do I really want?” and “Do I want to travel and explore before settling down?” all leave me knowing one thing: That I don’t know what my future holds, and thats okay.
As much of a planner as I am, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to know everything. I don’t want to know that this crush I have now might not lead to anything more serious than just that, or that what I’m working so hard for in school right now isn’t even going to be what I end up doing for the rest of my life. I don’t want to know if old friendships or relationships will rekindle. I don’t want to know whether or not the opportunity to study or get an internship abroad will take me to Europe or South Africa. I don’t want to know if I’m going to be the bridesmaid in all of my friends weddings before the bride at my own. I don’t want to know what friendships I’m going to lose, I just want to enjoy them while I have them. I don’t want to know if God is going to give me the son and daughter that I want or if his plan is for me to own a dog or do mission work all over the world.
I want to be surprised and excited. I want to live life in the moment and not stress. The future is so unpredictable. Yes, we can all do things to work towards the future that we want, but in the end, life happens. Things change, feelings change, and people change too. We are constantly changing our minds and our perspectives that it makes it nearly impossible to know exactly what our future holds.
For once in my life, I have decided to sit back and let life happen.
No more stressing over the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.” No more stressing over the fact that I don’t have a complete game plan just yet for after graduation or being upset that things aren’t going the way I expected them to. I want to enjoy this life, and to make the most of it. I will continue doing my best at whatever it is I’m doing, continue setting goals for myself, and have peace in knowing that as much as I want my life to go a certain way, nothing is for sure.
And that is okay.