Acne is something you typically worry about during your hormonal teenage years. For me, however, it wasn’t an issue I had to deal with during puberty. I got a few bumps here and there, but it never anything too severe. I rarely wore foundation, and if I did it was very light and hardly noticeable.
I wasn’t afraid to go swimming, I wasn’t afraid to show people my bare face, and I didn’t have to deal with a time consuming (and expensive) skin care routine; acne was simply something I was blessed enough to not have to worry about in high school. There were other things I was insecure about that come with being a teen, but acne was never one of them.
Summer of 2013. It was my first year at college, and the first time I had ever lived away from my parents. It was both exhilarating and nerve wracking all at once. It was definitely rough at first, but I had an amazing roommate and was able to make some good friends pretty quickly. However, things started taking a turn for the worst when I started noticing changes in my skin. Had that spot always been there? Why were there more and more showing up every day? Could I still get acne as an adult?!
The stress from being at school and living in a completely new environment were getting to me, and the physical manifestations of those stressors were showing up all over my face.
I didn’t know a single thing about proper skin care; I would pick and poke and squeeze (I know, gross) and smother my face in layers of makeup to hide the bumps and redness. It slowly started getting worse and worse, to the point where I just wanted to hide in my room all day and cry. I felt disgusting and ugly, and my insecurities skyrocketed to new levels.
Even with makeup on I could barely look people in the eyes while talking to them. I would stare at my bare face in the mirror and see nothing but giant inflamed bumps staring back at me. There was a point where I wouldn’t even let my family see my face without makeup on. I clearly remember breaking down in front of my mom, telling her how awful I felt and if anyone would ever like me if I looked like this. Looking back now, I know thinking like that was silly; if people were really my friends, they would love me no matter what.
I eventually went to see a dermatologist after months and months of over the counter remedies being unfruitful. Within a few weeks, my skin finally started to clear up. It was such a huge relief, and I could finally look at myself in the mirror without wanting to fold in on myself. When I moved, I stopped going to the dermatologist and eventually my acne did come back, but not nearly as badly as it had before. I have also since found an affordable topical treatment that doesn’t require doctor’s visits, and have adopted a good skincare routine that works for me.
These days, I’m left with scars, and although I don’t break out as often, when I do I have learned how to alleviate the situation without damaging my skin.
It’s been quite a long journey, and I still am insecure about my bare face; however, I understand now that the people who matter will love me for me no matter what I look like. Acne is frustrating and can be costly to deal with (I can’t tell you how much money I’ve spent on face masks and expensive skin care products), but it has helped me learn to focus on my character rather than outward appearance and how to take care of myself better. And there are inexpensive ways to care for your skin too! If you are struggling with adult acne, know that you’re not alone and that it doesn’t define you.
Collegiettes, you’re beautiful and amazing no matter what!