Are you a grammar nerd? Do you tire of talking like one?
No? Oh well.
Yes? Well then I hope this article will free you from your grammatically correct shackles.
I have problems, as I’m sure many grammar nerds do. To be specific, I have a problem reconciling my love of grammar with my love of talking like a stereotypical American teenager.
The title of this article is my problem, because once upon a time I was a proper grammar nerd like the writer and English major that I am. I screamed at my Facebook feed as I scrolled through all the grammatically incorrect statuses. And I never, never said “totes” with a serious face. But then I started saying “totes” for humorous purposes, to mock stereotypical teenage girls. And it all went downhill from there.
You see, this is not a simple case of online text talk syndrome, such as typing “lmao” or “omg” to literally everything. It isn’t even a problem of saying “literally” when I am definitely talking figuratively. It is a problem of translating the stereotypical teen girl talk to real life conversations. And more…
It’s a problem of uttering ridonkulous speech without even thinking about it, not even for humor anymore but because I have acquired the habit now and I can never go back. Now I’m on a slippery slope of crazy speech patterns.
And I love it.
Incorrect grammar is not always something to shun. Here is a list of fun things to start saying to get you out of your grammatically correct bubble of boredom. You should also start sounding out these things in your head whenever you see them.
Acronyms/Abbreviations to inject into daily conversation
- “lol/lolz” pronounced “loles” (It’s okay to laugh out loud while you say this)
- “Idk” pronounced “eye dee kay” (A shrug of the shoulders is optional)
- “Omg” pronounced “oh em gee” or “ohm juh” (A surprised tone is not needed)
- “Smh” pronounced “es em aych” or “sumuh” (No actual shaking of your head is necessary)
- “Rofl” pronounced “roffle” and “lmao” pronounced “el em ay yo” (These are intense acronyms, to be used only in extreme circumstances)
- “Obvs” pronounced “obs” (Rolling your eyes is a must)
- “Btw” pronounced “bee tee double you” or “bee tee dubs” (You never have to say “by the way” again!)
- “Brb” pronounced “bee arr bee” (This was used more in the olden days, but is still applicable to modern times)
More to say whenever you feel like it
- In addition to typing *tears* or *hugs* actually say “tears” and “hugs” to people during a conversation to express what you’re imagining yourself doing.
- “Totes mah goats” and “lolzy molzy” because rhyming is cool, just like bowties.
- “Herpederp” (this is usually said in the place of “okay,” like you’re affirming whatever someone said)
- “Good” when someone asks you how you are. (Saying “I’m doing well” is for people who are trying to hard)
- “I will love you five-ever” because 4 isn’t a high enough number to express infinity.
- “I was going to” (In conversation it is perfectly okay to end sentences in prepositions)
- “I heart that” (“heart” is a perfectly good replacement noun for the verb “love”)
- “Feelz” (If you are experiencing intense emotions, do not hesitate to says that you have these)
This article, however, is not encouraging anyone to completely throw out good grammar and adopt new-fangled talk. As a grammar nerd and English major I cannot let this article end without these rules.
Grammar crimes that are never okay/Modern sayings that should die
- Writing “your welcome” when you know for a fact that no one can possess a “welcome.”
- Mixing up “there” with “their” or “they’re.”
- Writing “ya’ll” instead of “y’all.”
- Using “then” when you mean “than.”
- Using the contraction “it’s” when you should be using the possessive “its”
- Writing “are you dead?” as “r u ded?”
- Writing the preposition “to” when you’re trying to saying “also/too”
- Writing “hate” as “h8” (basically you shouldn’t use numbers for letters, unless you’re writing 5ever because you feel like being witty)
- Saying “for who” instead of “for whom”
- Saying “I was like so mad” instead of saying “I was angry” (“Like” is a verb, not an adjective. “Mad” is an adjective, not an adverb)
- Referring to people or things as “bae” (I assure you that no one is in fact “bae” if everyone is bae, because by definition they must be “before anyone else”) Don’t start saying “bae” to mock the stereotypical teenage girls. This a dangerous practice that WILL result in you saying “bae” seriously.
Basically, learn to have fun with grammar and language, but don’t go crazy. Make up a few of your own rules, your own unique sayings and phrases. Be grammar nerds not grammar snobs, and you will have no probz.