Relationships are a major part of our lives. They practically define who we are, and the way these relationships end can scar us for life. Romantic relationships give us some of the most beautiful moments we will ever experience in life, just as much as they can often leave some people heartbroken and gun shy of getting into another one. No one can say for sure what the cure to a broken heart is, but most people have experienced the effects that a particularly hard heartbreak can leave with a person. In the end, we each have to come up with our own little ways to heal after a tough break up.
Here are some steps to getting through and over a hard break up:
Step One: Cry
There will be many people—family and friends—that will tell you not to cry over the jerk that broke your heart. But keeping it all in and bottling up your pain will only hurt you. Even angry tears are good for you. People weren’t meant to hold in that much negative emotion and we need to release it somehow (preferably without damaging expensive objects that your ex-significant left with you or gave you). So, you go ahead and cry, scream and let it all out. It’s okay to feel.
Step Two: Find Yourself Again
This step is extremely important if you’re just getting out of a long-term relationship. You need to remember who you were without your significant other. What do you like? What many people tend to do is stop doing the things that they did with their significant others because of the reminders, but it’s okay to like the same things that they did. Everything you like makes up what you define as a personality. Just because they like chocolate cake doesn’t mean you now need to switch to red velvet (even though both are good).
One great way to help you move on is to not obsess. Don’t look for your boyfriend or girlfriend everywhere you go, don’t look for reminders of them and certainly don’t compare yourself or anyone around you to them. Do things that make you happy and hang out with people that make you feel important. Your new freedom isn’t a punishment, it’s a reward. But don’t think that this means that you’re ready to jump into a new relationship. Don’t be that person that goes out and starts dating anyone who is interested just because you’re hurt. In the long run, making those kind of mistakes can cause more damage than the initial break up.
Step Three: Be the Better Person
Many magazine articles and advise columnists would suggest that after a break up you need to block and unfriend them from all of your social media. However, you don’t need to block or unfriend your ex (unless they are harassing you through social media). You don’t need to declare to the world how much of an awful person they are. In fact, you shouldn’t post about your romantic issues in long continuous streams on Facebook or Twitter at all. Most people won’t want to hear about it, and later on in life, you’ll feel embarrassed by the big deal you made of someone who was merely passing through your life. Don’t impulsively get drunk (if you are 21, of course), sleep around or rant about your ex for weeks following the break up. Don’t be that person that finds a rebound boyfriend or girlfriend to make you feel better. You don’t need that. What you need is a good support system.
Step Four: Forgive Your Ex
Everyone makes mistakes and your ex is no different. If they’re giving you up, then just take a second to feel sorry for the loss, but remember it is their loss, not yours. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive someone who broke your heart. But, whether they cheated or just simply stopped feeling that special spark that made your relationship what it was. Understand that they are human and so are you. In order to help yourself move on, stop being angry at them. Stop hating them or being bitter because of a relationship that is already over, especially if they are the one that broke it off with you. Take a breath, close your eyes and realize that life goes on and so will you.
Step Five: Forgive Yourself
This step is the most difficult and much easier said than done. But, it is also one of the most important. Forgiving oneself means admitting your own mistakes and then letting them go. All of your doubts about your relationship don’t matter anymore. Whether you don’t think you tried hard enough, or you think that you didn’t look pretty enough, you didn’t work out enough or you didn’t go on as many dates—none of that matters now. Maybe it would have helped and maybe it wouldn’t have made one lick of a difference. Either way, now is the time for you to stop considering what might have been and start focusing on what is right now—your future.
In the end, you don’t have to do anything anyone tells you to if you don’t want to. You don’t have to stay angry and you don’t have to cut them completely out of your life and stop being their friend. But, the inevitable fact remains, the easiest way to get over a relationship is to accept that it is over and move on.