In any group of friends, it seems like there is always that one person who is more responsible and dependable than the rest. They are often pegged as the “mom” of the group, even though they have delivered ABSOLUTELY NO children. They weren’t always like this, but what could have happened to bring on this [crucial] role? Here are 33 signs that college may have turned you into a bona fide mother.
1. You’re always running late.
You spend so much time worrying about everything else, you can’t keep track of time. Class starts in five minutes? Better make sure the kitchen is clean before I go ANYWHERE.
2. You clean ALL the time.
As said before, cleaning takes precedence over a lot of seemingly more important tasks, but it MUST be done. You have no idea where this Type-A personality came from, but it has taken root and your house has never looked better.
3. You are a walking pharmacy.
Whatever your friends need, you miraculously have it. Medicine, Band-Aids, SNACKS [always], Chapstick, deodorant, a second set of clothes, an alpaca? They name it, you got it.
4. You’re a master at finding a good deal.
Your google search history is filled with lines of “Promo code for _____.” This is how you found out about Papa Johns’ magical $10.00 off deal that runs Monday through Wednesday.
5. Family dinners are a commonality in your life.
Your friends have discovered what a bomb cook you are so they flock to you whenever hunger strikes. Your crockpot is basically your best friend now, plus you make sure that they eat healthy, balanced meals.
6. You have a newfound appreciation for the Food Network and HGTV.
You used to just skip over these channels when you were growing up, but now you understand the true value of them. Where else are you going to find easy thirty-minute meals and methods to spice up your living room? Not Disney Channel or MTV.
7. They ask you questions about themselves.
“What bands do I like?”
“How do I take my steak?”
“Did I like that last time I ate it?”
You know EVERYTHING.
8. You fix everything.
You’re basically a modern day MacGiver. Someone’s sole fell off of their shoe? You’re there to super glue it back together. Someone locked their keys in their car? You grab two arrows, athletic tape, a rag, and a crowbar (all of which are conveniently found in the trunk of your car) and pry that door open to save the day.
9. You drive your friends around like a professional soccer mom.
You understand the horrors of having to walk across campus in thirty-degree weather just to get to your car, or having to give up your perfect parking space just to go grab lunch, so of course you’re there to pick them up every time.
10. You’re there at every one of your friend’s performances, shows, or functions.
You alone are basically their own personal cheerleading squad and can be found screaming obscenely louder from the crowd than is socially acceptable. You’re there to be their moral support and to take their pictures. It doesn’t matter if you hate beauty pageants or art shows, you’ll be there.
11. “Let me take your picture” is the second most common phrase in your vocabulary.
You must document EVERYTHING because these are your babies and they grow up too fast. Plus, if you don’t take their picture, who will? They need something to show mom and dad at home to prove that they’re doing something constructive while away at school.
12. “Let me know when you get home safely” is the most common phrase in your vocabulary.
We’ve all watched our friends stumble home together after a night out on the town, but you can’t escort them all home. Instead, you insist that they text you when they arrive home safely and expect details of their night to follow the next morning.
13. You constantly call to check up on people.
In addition to making sure they got home from the bar okay, you call to check up on them on a daily basis. You see a sad tweet or a changed relationship status, you have them on speed dial in an instant.
14. You are the DPC. Designated Phone Caller.
Let’s face it, calling strangers is pretty terrifying, but someone has to do it. Ordering takeout, checking for store hours, calling tech-support, or dealing with financial aid—you’ve done it all.
15. You’re a huge advocate for staying in to watch a movie, rather than going out.
You don’t always get your way, but the offer is always there.
16. You’re an expert at reminding people to do things.
“Don’t forget to call your mom! It’s her birthday!”
“Make sure you take the chicken out of the freezer to thaw.”
“Don’t forget to turn off your straightener!”
It’s second nature at this point.
17. You like to spend money on others.
You like to pick up the tab at lunch or buy cute little knickknacks for your bff. There’s a super cool coffee mug that perfectly describes her life? It’s in your shopping cart before you even make the conscious decision to buy it.
18. You get genuinely excited when they succeed in life.
They got a raise at work? HOLD THE PHONE. ALERT THE MASSES. This person just got a raise at work—LET’S CELEBRATE.
19. Birthdays are kind of your thing.
You know when everyone’s birthday is and are down to make them feel like the most important person in the world, despite their protest.
20. New boyfriends tremble in your presence.
You don’t mean to, but you can be kind of intimidating when your friend brings her new beau around. You have to make a mental note to simply talk to him, rather than interrogate him, and it’s exceptionally difficult. You both know he’s not good enough for her, but it’s worth a shot.
21. You’ll pick people up at all hours of the night.
Whether it’s 4:00pm or 4:00am, if they call you, you’ll be there. You might be a little peeved about it, but you’d much rather get out of bed to pick them up than leave them to fend for themselves.
22. You’re secretly a doctor.
You may have absolutely no experience with first aid or any type of medical care AT ALL, but when the time comes, you’ll be ready to go with a first aid kit and a bottle of Robitussin.
23. You’re also a therapist who is qualified to write a top-notch advice column.
Your friends come to you for world-class advice and they are never left disappointed. Between boy troubles, roommate quarrels, and the occasional “Does this look normal?” you’re basically a professional. You should start charging by the hour and pay off your tuition.
24. Mediator is your middle name.
Whenever there is a problem within your friend group, you’re the one to sit everyone down and solve the issue then and there. Mama don’t play no games.
25. You’ve had to lay down the law for your friends more times than you can count.
If you’re the mom of the group, at one point or another there will be a night where you prevent your friend from leaving the party with some loser, or worse—her ex; or stopped her from posting drunken videos on social media for the world [and her mom] to see. They might be angry with you then, but they always thank you in the morning.
26. You’re always there to care for your drunken friends—even if you didn’t go out!
You’ll be there holding her hair, rubbing her back, getting her water, and reassuring her that she isn’t going to die in the bathroom and end up like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter.
27. You care for strangers too.
If you see that drunk girl puking in the bathroom, you’ll be there for her like she’s one of your own. The mom in you can’t just leave her to fend for herself.
28. When disaster strikes, you’re there.
We all need that one person who will crawl into bed with us and pet our hair while we sob into our pillow. That glorious person deserves an award for “Greatest (non) Mom Ever.”
29. Pep talks are your specialty.
If you see your friend in the library stressing out over her practical the next morning, what do you do? You sit her down and give her a pep talk she’ll never forget. Seriously, you should be a professional motivational speaker.
30. Real parents love you.
You never fear meeting the parents because you’re basically one too. You relate to them better than any other normal college student because you’ve stepped into their shoes while their child has been away from home.
31. You’ll defend your babies until the end of time.
People already know not to mess with your peeps because they’ve seen Mama Bear spring into action the second it happens.
32. People actually call you “mom.”
This is kind of a dead giveaway. The thing with this nickname is that once it is given, it never goes away, and it spreads like wildfire. Just accept it. Embrace the motherhood.
33. You help your friends figure out their life plan.
You’re an expert at planning out their lives even though you don’t even know what you’ll be doing a month from now. They may think you have your life all together, but we all know that’s not the case. You just take on each day one at a time and hope for the best. It has worked out pretty well for you so far.
Cheers to all the college moms! Keep up the good work because we’d all be lost without you!
HCXO
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