Long-distance is challenging—I know that first hand—but I’m here to tell you that it is NOT impossible like everyone tells you. Although not all couples may be meant for long-distance, if you’re thinking this is somewhere in your near future, I have a few tips for you to make the transition a bit smoother.
1. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!
This may seem a bit redundant to mention, but communication is everything. We have been blessed to be born in the age of technology where we can contact someone from any distance in just seconds, so utilize this tool. I’m not saying you need to be texting your S.O. every second of every day (because that’s toxic), but sending a funny Snapchat or texting a quick update is always a touch that makes me feel remembered and loved. Not only that, but it keeps me sane as I navigate through my day, especially on the hard ones where it is the most difficult to be apart.
2. Video call regularly to get some more digital communication.
Once again, this may seem silly, but you’ll never realize the importance of video call tools until you’re in a long-distance relationship. Although communicating through texting is good for some things, there are some things that simply can’t be said in an instant message. Plus, picking up the phone and seeing their face makes you seem a bit closer even if there’s a significant distance between you. For an added bonus, you can plan a dinner date and have a virtual date night. To make it even more exciting, surprise your S.O. with food delivered to their house and have an impromptu get-together. Not only will they appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gift, but who doesn’t love a good surprise? I tried this out with my boyfriend, and he really enjoyed his surprise spicy salmon rolls—hopefully yours will, too!
3. Remember that small gestures mean the most.
When your partner is having a rough day, it can be excruciating to be so far away. However, try the best you can to find a small gesture you can do to brighten their day or just remind them of how much you love them. Venmo them to get a coffee. Buy them something that reminds you of them and send it in the mail. No matter what it is, doing something outside of the ordinary is sweet and truly brightens your relationship. By no means should you do these things every day, but finding unique ways to spice up your relationships reminds you why you’re going through this challenging period—because you love each other and are in it for the long haul. Cherish these things, and know that you’ll see them as blessings later on in life.
4. Find a game to play or activity to do together.
This one can be a bit challenging, but find an activity or video game that you both enjoy and call each other while you play it. Better yet, play a co-op game so you can both be in on the action at the same time. As silly as it sounds, my boyfriend and I have been playing Minecraft together. We’ve found that it’s a great way to talk to each other while working cooperatively and having a bit of fun. Plus with this game you can play on cross-platforms, so even if you don’t have a gaming console in your dorm room, you can still play on your phone. If that’s not your cup of tea, explore your phone’s app store or your favorite gaming system’s collection of games to find what works best for you. If you’re not a gamer, maybe try out Netflix Party and watch a movie as if you were in-person cuddling together. Although it may be bittersweet, it’s always great to catch up and have some sense of normalcy.
5. Explore you and your partner’s love languages.
Although I haven’t done this yet, it is definitely on my list of things to do with my boyfriend. Love languages are so important, and I think with long-distance it’s even more important to understand your partner’s needs and supplement them as much as you can. Maybe if you’re missing your partner an extra bit one day, send them a package with something that matches their love languages. Here are a few of my suggestions:
Quality Time: If this is their love language, be sure to set a schedule and carve time out of your days for one another. For me and my boyfriend, we usually video call every night to catch up on our days. While you’re talking, be sure that you’re intentional with your time by not being distracted and being solely focused on them. To mix things up, plan video call dates like the one I mentioned previously. Even if you can’t send them dinner, plan a night where you make the same dinner and eat it at the same time, too. You can also find things related to your own hobbies that make your time together even more special.
Words of Affirmation: Send them a love letter—this is probably the ultimate thing you can do for someone who needs words of affirmation. Mailing them a letter, or even regularly exchanging letters, is not only super romantic, but it also helps you keep you in close contact in a more intimate way. Other ways to honor their love language include assuring them when they’re anxious, communicating clearly about your relationship and feelings to ease any stress, and—I cannot stress this enough—tell them how much you love them. Even if this isn’t their love language, regularly reminding someone that they are loved—whether they’re your S.O., mom, or third cousin—is so important to maintaining healthy relationships and reminding people that they are worthy and cherished.
Gifts: This once may seem pretty self-explanatory, but if this is your partner’s love language, be sure to send them gifts to remind them that they are special. I’ve suggested tons of other gifts in other sections of this article, and all of them pertain to this love language. If you’re looking for something smaller, do something silly like mail them their favorite candy bar or snack in the mail for a goofy pick-me-up. No matter what it is, receiving a surprise gift, no matter your love language, sending a gift is a special way to spice up your relationship and keep showing your love for one another.
Acts of Service: Even if you aren’t there to serve your partner directly, you can always serve them through acts like helping with homework (if you’re qualified enough) or sending them a gift card for an oil change or manicure (or another service they want, but won’t buy for themselves). A massage is also a great option to supplement the massages you can’t give from a distance. You could also send them a massage gun for at-home use.
Physical Touch: This is obviously the most challenging love language to try and satisfy in a long-distance relationship, but it is surely not impossible! Try sending your S.O. a special stuffed animal or a cozy blanket. I also love wearing my boyfriend’s hoodies, and they’re even more special when they smell like him—buy them a bottle of your favorite perfume so they can cuddle up with their stuffed animal or blanket and it will smell like you even if you can’t be there. Also remember to prioritize physical touch when you visit and try to visit as frequently as you can to satisfy their needs (and yours, of course!).
One of the hardest things to do in a long-distance relationship is to convey how much you love your S.O., but it’s not impossible. If you’re willing to put in enough work and thoughtfulness to show them, you can surely succeed. There are a lot of reasons why long distance is hard, but there are even more reasons to see its beauty as it strengthens your bond and relationship in the long term.
And remember, this isn’t forever—there is always the light at the end of the tunnel. Cherish the fact that someday you won’t have to be hundreds (or even thousands) of miles apart. Someday, you’ll be side by side for the rest of time, and you’ll know that it was always worth it in the end.