*Disclaimer: These descriptions are based on profiles if your preferences are set to men.*
As a college student, I’m sure you or someone you know has toyed around with the idea of dating apps. Whether you’re looking for a relationship, a quick hookup, or in my case, validation that people think you’re cute, there is always a thrill when the words It’s a Match! pop up on the screen.
I downloaded Tinder my freshman year around the time my roommate started dating her boyfriend and I was so tired of third-wheeling. I wanted to be the one to go on dates or just have someone to talk to! I’m a very shy person, so any match that was made only resulted in a few hours of talking before one of us ghosted each other (still holds true today).
Now, I’m from the Twin Cities, so believe me when I tell you this: the boys on the dating apps here are a completely different breed. Since Winona is surrounded by a lot of rural areas, you often see (what I like to call) Yee-Haws when you’re swiping in a rather small radius. When I go to my hometown for a weekend, most of those on dating apps are the ones who are going to the more urban schools: University of Minnesota-Twin Cities, Hamline, Century, etc., and most of them are already city boys. Nothing seems to pull at my heartstrings like a douchey-looking city boy.
Over the last two and a half years, I’ve been in a cycle of downloading the app, swiping, deleting, and downloading again. Why should I have to advertise to men I don’t even know to try and entice them? Many of my friends have told me that they found their current significant others when they weren’t looking for them. Sometimes I think that maybe I should take that same route, but I’ve discovered that it’s satisfying to see someone in public that you matched with and know that he already thinks you’re cute. *cue flirtatious staring*
Because I often use the app while I’m attending school in Winona and at home in the cities, you can imagine that I’ve seen a lot of guys’ profiles. Sure, there are many who are unique, but there are a lot who are the same. Originality and creativity aren’t on the front of everyone’s minds, that’s for sure. So without further ado, here are the categories of guys’ profiles that everyone has likely seen on Tinder:
1. The Yee-Haw
I’ve always wanted to date a truck… said no one ever.
I like to call this group of guys the Yee-Haws because three of their five profile pictures are just pictures of pickup trucks. That’s it: no people with the trucks or beautiful scenery. It’s as if these guys can’t entice girls with their looks or personality, so they feel as if a girl’s only criteria for meeting a guy is if he has a pickup truck. Perhaps you are that girl (or guy) and your one and only fetish is a pickup truck. In that case, you do you, boo.
2. The Avid Sportsman
These are the group of guys who have pictures of them proudly displaying fish that they caught or posing with a buck that they shot. Their bios often have some iteration of “I’m looking for a girl to drink beer and go fishing with me.” This category could also go under the Yee-Haws, but I felt like these gentlemen deserve their own section because nothing has ever turned me on more than a dude holding a dead animal.
Not.
3. The Butt-Hurt B*tch
I actually matched with a guy over the summer who I added on snap that made me feel extremely uncomfortable to the point where I felt the need to block and unmatch with him. Would you really believe that this man (scratch that: baby) felt the need to find me on Facebook and message me? This dude really went from telling me that I was “sexy” to calling me fat (along with other profanities) all because I unmatched with him. Luckily for me and unluckily for him, his place of employment was on his Facebook page, so guess who tagged his workplace in screenshots of his messages? It’s not my proudest moment, but, oh my, did it feel amazing.
News Flash, Boys: A woman has every right to cut off contact with you if you make her feel uncomfortable.
4. The Traveler
Every once in a while, you’ll come across guys with super awesome pictures of themselves on a beautiful beach or on top of a mountain overlooking the most breathtaking views with a bio similar to “In _____ for *insert amount of time*. HMU to show me around”. Most of the time, these guys are just looking for a fun one-night kinda thing, so don’t be hoping for anything serious. If they keep their bio the same everywhere they travel and successfully get a hookup, be careful you don’t catch anything if you match and start talking.
5. Daddy’s Money
Okay ladies (and gents), I know you’ve seen this one! You’re swiping left and right and then you see him: perfectly groomed with all the latest Apple products and name brand clothes while sitting on top of his brand new luxury car. His face is so beautiful, but you get the gut feeling that his personality is not. So, while having money thrown your way would be nice, you swipe left.
But maybe you’re here for the thrill of it and swipe right. Get it, honey.
6. The Sweetheart
This is my favorite type of Tinder guy to encounter: multiple pictures of genuine smiles and fun, long bios describing how they will treat you right, along with details of their hobbies and how they’ll cook your favorite meal. I know I haven’t even swiped right yet, but I’m already in love with you, dude. I’ll be sitting here with my fingers crossed.
7. The Guy You Went to High School with
Every once in a while, there will be a face in your Tinder feed that you recognize. Maybe you’re like me and you’ll hold your phone up to the people around you, exclaiming, “Oh my gosh! This guy went to my high school!” The people around you probably won’t care, but you will because it really is a small world.
I’m not the type of person who swipes right just because I know someone, so if I see you and I know you from pre-2017, I’ll take a screenshot to send to our mutual friends from high school and move on. However, I have matched with the people I had crushes on at that time, not to brag or anything.
8. Maybe Fake, Maybe Not
I know we’ve all been through this before: you see a super cute guy and when you go to click through his pictures, you see that there’s just one, maybe two, but they’re blurry and before you make a life-altering decision, you want to read their bio to see if he’s really the one. Oh, wait. He has no bio. Is he actually this person or is he a big ol’ catfish? The world may never know.
9. The Serial Profile
No matter which dating app I’m on, whether it be Tinder or Bumble, there’s the same guy that shows up at least two times a day, no matter how many times I swipe left on him. Does he have multiple accounts? Does he pay extra to have his profile circulate multiple times, even to the people who swipe left? This is also a mystery that we’ll never know the answer to. That is, unless you swipe right and ask him. Which I won’t.
Whatever the reason you download a dating app, it’s fun to put yourself out there and see the different types of people in the world around you. Talking to people on these apps is also a really great way to meet others and even if you encounter someone from every single one of the categories listed above, you’re bound to encounter a dandy of a person.
Check out this article by one of our writers on her take of Tinder boys, too!
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