For millennials everywhere, Tinder is one of the quickest growing dating apps with fast-paced swipes left and right in the hopes of an “It’s a Match” screen. It’s especially popular around the holidays for finding old hometown flings to settle down with during winter months that have big, festive celebrations. In the merry, Christmas season, I picked five iconic holiday songs and centered all my conversations with matches entirely out of song lyrics for one week. I debriefed all the boys on my little seasonal social experiment, as well as confirmed their cooperation in the article. What you’ll read below are some of my favorite responses followed by the reason I found them so funny (in each conversation, I will be the H).
*all names and ages have been changed unless requested otherwise
The first song I picked was “Dominick the Donkey” sang by Lou Monte. The lyrics are outlandish and overtly out-of-the-ordinary to start a conversation with, so I figured it would be a good starting place.
H: Hi Adam!
A: Hey Hannah! How’s your holiday season?
H: Can’t complain. I’m back for break! Can I ask you a question?
A: Is the Pope Catholic?
H: Santa’s got a little friend, his name is Dominick. The cutest little donkey, you never see him kick.
A: I’m not following.
H: When Santa visits his Paesans, with Dominick he’ll be because the reindeer cannot climb the hills of Italy.
A: What kind of drugs are you ON?!
H: Hey, Chingedy ching, hee haw, hee haw. It’s Dominick, the donkey. Chingedy ching, hee haw, hee haw, The Italian Christmas donkey.
A: So when do you want to hang out?
H: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la
Holiday Humor: This conversation was especially funny to me because he went from assuming I was under the influence of something other than holiday cheer to pursuit of a hang-out sesh.
The second song I chose was “Santa Baby.” The whole song is entirely too full of innuendos in connection with Mr. Claus and his chimneys, so what better way to catch boys in a yuletide conversation than with a syrupy sweet Christmas melody crooned by Kylie Minogue?
H: Hi there! Are you feeling in the holiday spirit yet?
T: Definitely not! I procrastinated my shopping and I’m stressed out!
H: Santa, baby you better HURRY (down the chimney tonight).
T: What are you hoping Santa brings you?
*at this point I realized he knew and just played into it*
H: Oh you know, just an auto space convertible, a yacht, a deed to a platinum mine, a duplex and checks (these are all gifts mentioned throughout the duration of the song).
T: Why not all of Saturn while you’re at it? I hear it’s one of the planets that rains diamonds.
H: I really do believe in you, let’s see if you believe in me.
Holiday Humor: This guy was really nice about my proposed experiment, and he later told me he looked up the lyrics to provide more thoughtful responses. I’m hoping Santa Baby brings extra presents to you!
The third song I picked is probably one of the most popular Christmas ballads, “Silent Night.” It’s slow and hauntingly beautiful, which is why this response baffled me.
H: Hi, can I ask you a question?
H: Did you know that on Christmas Eve in 1818, a blizzard stranded the tiny village of Ogledorf, nestled in the Austrian mountains? That same day, the people of St. Nicholas’ church found their organ broken, so the priest and organist began composing a song that could be sung without an organ yet was beautiful enough to express their Christmas joy. All day and all night long they worked and at midnight, the gentle carol Silent Night was born!
S: I guarantee you any night you spend with me will be anything but silent.
*after this I told him my experiment, he told me he was Jewish. He also said that he would be more than happy to be in the article and wanted to read the finished piece.
Holiday Humor: Part of the intrigue with Tinder is the unpredictability of people’s responses. My night definitely wasn’t silent as I found myself giggling all the way until it was time to choose a new song.
The fourth song I picked was an upbeat and jazzy carol, “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree.” The party atmosphere in the song played nicely into conversation starters!
H: Hi! How do you feel about mistletoe hung where you can see, and every couple tries to stop? Ugh so annoying.
M: How about we meet and find some then?
H: Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie, ya and we’ll do some caroling, oh ya!
M: Or we could forget the mistletoe altogether.
H: You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear, “let’s be jolly, deck the halls with boughs of holly”.
M: So do you want to meet up or no?
H: Whoo! Ya, c’mon everybody! Make sure you sing along, here we go! Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, have a happy holiday!
Holiday Humor: To me, this was the most dense of them all. I actually used the part of the song where everybody joins in for the chorus, and he still remained aloof. After I clued him in, he was no less determined to go out… but the festive vibe had been gone fa la la la la la too long.
And finally, the Holy Grail of holiday music, the queen of Christmas, ‘tis the ONLY reason for this season: Mariah Carey. An iconic Christmas angel singing “All I Want For Christmas is You” will forever be my favorite song. This encounter had to live up to both the festive and extra festive versions of her song, so I was stressed.
H: Bailey, listen. I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need…
B: What is it?
H: I don’t care about the presents, Bailey, underneath the Christmas tree.
B: What do you want for Christmas then that’s not found under the tree? That’s kinda how Christmas works.
H: I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know.
B: *wink emoji* You could try to tell me…
H: Allllllllll I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuuuuuu.
B: Well now I have to go listen to that on repeat.. Extra festive version.
Holiday Humor: This guy was completely the best interaction, and when I told him about my experiment, he genuinely thought I was clever… and cute. Too bad we were in different cities all winter break or I might have taken him up on his offer.
Well, there you have it. Those are my top five festive Tinder interactions, compiled solely through some wit and wonderful Christmas carols. Hope you all have a great holiday season and Merry Swiping!