It may come as a shock to many of you that there are people—such as me—who, before I endeavored to write this article, had never had a sip of coffee nor a single drink from the Starbucks dynasty. With a multitude of Kryzsko Kash sitting in my student account and an on-campus Starbucks just a stone’s throw from my dorm, I figured now was as good of a time as ever to begin my journey to become a coffee addicted college student, per the stereotypical norm.
Before this experience, I drank no soda or caffeine; instead, I only ran on my God-given energy and willfulness. Although not all of these drinks include coffee (because honestly, I hate it), I still wanted to see whether Starbucks was worth the hype. Here are my findings.
*All of the price points are based on tall sizes and may vary based on location. *
Day 1
White Chocolate Mocha • $5.09 • 1/5 stars
This is the day my Starbucks virginity was taken. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, I chose this drink because, honestly, I’m just a sucker for chocolate. Not only that, but the attending barista seemed impatient and my introverted persona got the best of me. I ordered this without any modifications because I didn’t even know the endless possibilities. I received a tall iced white chocolate mocha and returned to my dorm room for the official test.
Upon my initial review, it was not good. It was quite bitter (as I knew coffee was), and there was absolutely no taste of the white chocolate that I was promised. This revelation was extremely disheartening, yet I took a few more sips to get an accurate evaluation. Upon my second sip, I found out that it was just as bad as the first. My face twisted up, recoiled into itself, and then let out a hearty cough to express my distaste. As I went on, the bitterness somewhat subsided but never completely left my mouth. After drinking about a third of the iced mocha, I realized that I would never finish it. I dumped the remainder down the drain, never to be seen (or ordered) again. My only relief from this disappointment was the Hershey’s bar that I had thankfully picked up to supplement the chocolatey flavor I had been expecting. It would have to suffice until I found a better drink to test.
Pink Drink • $4.45 • 4/5 stars
Prior to trying this drink, I had heard mixed reviews. Some had said this was a sugar attack in your mouth, while I’m pretty some people worship this strawberry concoction as a literal god. These conflicting opinions were a bit intimidating, but, without fear, I took a large first gulp of the drink and was pleasantly surprised by the muted and, frankly, underwhelming strawberry flavor. It is definitely apparent that this drink’s primary ingredient is sugar and artificial flavoring, but as someone with a quite large sweet tooth, this didn’t seem to be an issue for me. I love the taste of strawberries but usually shy away from them because I find the texture atrocious. This was an underwhelming way to experience that taste in a liquid form. Either way, I would definitely drink this again–– my only recommendation would be to get a little less ice; between the ice and the strawberry chunks, it was hard to actually get the tasty drink to my mouth.
Day 2
Strawberry Acai Lemonade Refresher • $3.85 • 5/5 stars
As someone who is not apt to coffee, I figured it was best to stay away from its bitter flavor and try something sweeter that would better suit my palette. After trying this refresher, the only way I could describe this flavor would be by saying if fruit punch and lemon-lime Gatorade had a baby–– this is what their baby would taste like. It’s quite comparable to the Pink Drink, but it tastes less sugary (although it contains more) and has a much stronger taste, which honestly makes it even better. Not only that, but the price point is the best of any I’ve tried thus far. All of these factors have contributed to reward the Strawberry Acai Lemonade Refresher with the first five-star award of this experiment. After this drink, I was craving more, which is just another indicator of its superiority. In fact, that afternoon I decided to treat myself to another one for a long car ride. Now we’ll have to see if other Starbucks drinks can stand up to the challenge.
Mocha Frappuccino • $4.69 • 3/5 stars
After yesterday’s failure with the white chocolate mocha disaster, I decided that I should take baby steps as I learned to acquire the taste of coffee. Espresso is quite bitter and jumping straight into the pungent flavor probably wasn’t the best way to introduce myself to the ins and outs of the coffee world. That said, I went with a decidedly less strong coffee taste this time around. I want to preface this segment by saying that the barista was new–– she literally read the recipe straight out of the book and was struggling even with that. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that this drink was actually finish-able.
Based on my sub-par coffee knowledge, I discerned that the drink was poorly mixed because the consistencies and flavors of the top and bottom halves were quite starkly contrasted from one another. You know the flavor of chocolate syrup mixed with milk to make homemade chocolate milk? Yeah, that’s quite literally what this tasted like, but the bitter aftertaste of coffee was also included at the end. As someone who despises chocolate syrup milk, this was relatively unappealing, but I persisted in order to down my drink and thoroughly complete my review. Luckily, I discovered that their whip is delectable; it’s comparable to rich vanilla ice cream. I will most definitely be endeavoring to find more drinks with whip in the future. The mocha Frappuccino has opened doors into the coffee world, but I don’t think this is the glory I was hoping to find.
Day 3
Vanilla Bean Frappuccino • $4.69 • 5/5 stars
After having a subpar mocha Frappuccino yesterday, I finally decided that the mocha flavor just isn’t for me, so I decided to check out a similar drink with a new flavor. My first thought after drinking this: I have found my drink. I could taste absolutely no coffee, just the sugary vanilla goodness. As I worked through the layers, I once again found that the two layers had different consistencies, but now I’m just assuming that this is characteristic of Frappuccino’s.
However, upon further research, I found that the vanilla bean Frappuccino is a creme flavor–– meaning it has absolutely no coffee in it. In retrospect, that’s a pretty good reason not to taste any, but that just means I have to keep looking for my perfect drink. Although this drink’s sugar content is off the charts, it’s still a great way to brighten your day; it will most definitely remain on my order list.
Day 4
Vanilla Cold Brew w/ Milk • $3.85 • 3/5 stars
After trying out this brew, I began to wonder if I would ever learn to love the taste of coffee. First off, there was very little vanilla flavor to be had–– there may have been a hint of it when the cool liquid first hit my tongue, but within milliseconds it was overpowered by the overwhelming taste of coffee. As I got more into it, I was able to taste more of the vanilla and the overwhelming nature of the coffee gradually subsided to the point where I could consume it without grimacing after each swallow. Although it isn’t the worst drink I’ve had thus far, I don’t think it is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I may have drank more of this than of my white chocolate mocha, but I can’t imagine myself ordering this day in and day out. And so the search continues.
Hot Chocolate • $3.69 • 4/5 stars
On this cold and snowy evening, I decided it was time that I finally tried out the popular drink of the winter season: Starbucks style. After letting the drink sit for more than half an hour for the sake of my tongue, I dove in excitedly to taste the chocolatey goodness. To be honest, it was a pretty underwhelming experience–– it was hot chocolate… that’s it. Although it’s good for a quick fix, my Swiss Miss is just as easily (and more cheaply) made at home; plus, then I can add my own marshmallows too. At the end, I also found that it was absolutely filled with chocolate syrup so rich that it made my face twist up in distaste. For the most part it was delicious, but that surprising sip didn’t leave me feeling as if this was my favorite drink of this experiment.
Day 5
Very Berry Lemonade Refresher • $3.85 • 4/5 stars
I decided to try out the third and final refresher on my campus’s condensed menu today. Although I am not much of a berry person, I thought this drink was berry, berry good. In short, it simply tastes like lemonade, sugar and berries. Though it seemed to chill me on a fall day, it would be a nice drink to cool you down in the summer. This may not be my favorite refresher from the trio, but it is a strong contender as I embark on my quest to determine the ultimate Starbucks beverage.
Cold Brew • $2.85 • 1/5 stars
This cold brew was the nail in the coffee (see what I did there?). Not only did the bitter, repulsive taste linger on my tongue, but I also found that the watered-down consistency was downright awful. After tasting but a few sips, I decided that coffee is not and will not ever be my drink of choice.
After finishing this experiment, here are many rankings:
1. Strawberry Acai Lemonade Refresher (5)
2. Vanilla Bean Creme Frappuccino (5)
3. Pink Drink Refresher (4)
4. Hot Chocolate (4)
5. Very Berry Lemonade Refresher (4)
6. Mocha Frappuccino (3)
7. Vanilla Coldbrew w/ Milk (3)
8. White Chocolate Mocha (1)
9. Cold Brew (1)
Although it was an interesting experiment, I don’t think coffee-craving nor addiction is in my imminent future. It has been valuable to learn about my likes and dislikes when it comes to Starbucks without the costly expense one would typically endure. Thankfully, I was able to waste away some Kryzsko Kash on a whim and truly learn about myself on an intimate level.
Though it was fun, as someone with a sweet tooth the size of their heart, I don’t believe I’ll be able to find a spot for coffee in my cardiac system.