Dear My First Love,
Let me start out by saying that there are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, and that I wish I had never had to hurt you. It’s been a long time, but you are not someone I can just forget about and leave in my past. Breaking your heart was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and if I could’ve numbed it, I would have. Unfortunately, there was no anesthesia and I also broke my own in the process. I know that I have grown as a person since our relationship and discovered what direction I want to go in life. All I can wish for you is that you have found yourself and are happy where life is leading you.
Everything about first loves is clichĂ©, but it’s clichĂ© for a reason. You really do learn a lot, and I learned a lot about myself throughout our relationship. Our year together was wonderful, and although nothing went wrong, it was the things I learned that made me realize we were not a perfect match. You were my first boyfriend, first love, and first heartbreak. Our timing was not perfect either; my excitement for college was something that you dreaded. I didn’t want to leave you behind, but college was something that I was looking forward to for years. Breaking your heart in the summer was something I believed to be fair, but perhaps distance would’ve made it easier. I needed to do it for me; while I told myself it was best for you too, I don’t know if it really was. It’s clichĂ© because so many people go through it, and you never forget your first love.   Â
I want you to know that it makes me glad to see that you are happy now and have found someone to be your other half. I want you to know that my stomach aches a little every time I see your face on Instagram or Facebook because I know how much I hurt you that hot July day. I want you to know that I am happy, and that life is treating me well. I also want you to know that I lost my second family that day, because I came to know and love your family. I hope that you occasionally think of me, and that you only think of me as the person who loved you while we were together. I hope that one day we will see each other again, only to look at each other and know that things happen for a reason. I hope that if you read this, you know that I am sorry about many things, but mostly not being able to love you equally. I hope that you did what I asked of you on your porch steps, and that you don’t hate me. And at last, I hope that you are living life to the fullest. Â
Always with Love,
Emily