An open letter to the one that is still on my mind,
Yes, I still keep tabs on you. You still pop up on my news feed and I wonder about you. I wonder if you are okay because you tweeted that, or how fun this was in your Instagram. I wonder. I wonder about our what ifs. What if we were still together? What if our last fight didn’t end that way? What if you didn’t end up meeting that girl? What if you apologized? What if you just stayed a little longer? I still wonder, what if?
I still care about you. We were best friends and a support system for each other for so long; I won’t ever stop caring about you. But I will stop loving you. I see that you are doing well. I’m proud of you. I still remember your dreams and your goals you told me on nights when we were looking at the stars. I remember them down to every detail. You are finally chasing them now; I can picture your mom hugging you when you tell her the good news. I still remember your greatest fears, your most embarrassing moments and the way you would look at me when you were still in love with me. I remember. I remember the funny memories we’d make, getting laugh attacks on your couch, and having your roommates walk in on us. I remember crying with you when we hit hard times. I remember your strong hugs. I remember your loud laugh. I remember the beat of your heart when it was close to mine. I remember how your fingertips felt when they brushed my hair back, behind my ear. I remember your beautiful eyes. I still remember your presence.
You are still with me in the simplest ways. I can feel your presence even when you are not near. I know what you would say about that or that you’d laugh at this, I know you’d wear this and ask your mom about that. I know your heart because you are still in mine. I still turn around when I hear a laugh like yours. I see your look-alikes in this world in the coffee shops and down the street, as if they are trying to play a trick on my mind and bring back the memories. I still get butterflies inside when I think you are one of them, until they turn around. I don’t talk about you anymore, it gets old. I save you for my dreams at night, or not at all. You are locked inside and for now, never coming out.
I hope you still think about me. Think about the great experiences we had, the funny moments we shared and the moments that made our hearts swell with love. I hope you still remember the quirky things I still do, my soft eyes and my silent laugh. I hope you remember how in love I was with you. I hope you remember my kindness, gentleness, and understanding towards you. I hope you still remember. I hope I’m still kept in your heart, like you are in mine. But I hope you also remember the pain. The pain we both went through together, when we got in fights or when things went bad. I hope you remember the tears, the screams, the sleepless nights and the words that tore us apart. I hope you remember the last time you saw me with tears in my eyes, walking away from you. I hope you remember that pain, but I hope you remember the joy. Together, we created a beautiful mess.
Yours truly,
Her.