Tacoma (2018)
I turn the first tune peg on one guitar string. A calming peace washes over me, like the rain washing out the air outside.
I turn the second tune peg. Tacoma is a quiet area.
I turn the third tune peg. Actually, maybe Tacoma isn’t necessarily quiet. However, it’s the only town I’ve really known.
I turn the fourth tune peg. Dad had driven me Downtown Tacoma once, and I wish I could’ve seen it more often. Downtown was full of life. I could imagine it right now. It was past sunset time when the sky is an ocean blue. There would be couples or individuals walking without umbrellas; only their hoods to protect themselves. Kids would hold their smaller umbrellas over their heads while taking steps in new rain-boots bought just the other day.
I turn the fifth tune peg. Starbucks across the glass museum would be packed. Tourists would go in to shelter themselves from the rain after a long day of exploration.
I turn the last tune peg. The rain continues.
I Love You (2018/2021 Revised)
I like to think when
You sat on my bed
You kept talking
We were up all night laughing,
your breathing would hitch
Then you’d roll your eyes
I loved it so much
I almost said I loved you aloud.
The Inside (2019)
I was on the inside.
I have flipped.
It was a changing tide.
No strings—untied.
Lying next to you is like lying beside a rock.
I was on the inside.
Never again I will let it slide.
Something had to die in order for me to fly.
It was a changing tide.
I died,
Like the bird in Trifles.
I was on the inside.
You wanted us to be allied,
but I saw the real you.
It was a changing tide.
Without your Prince Charming demeanor there is nothing.
I don’t care no more if we divide.
You proved yourself to be just like every other human being.
It was a changing tide.
Evergreen Forest (2019)
I forgot what deep green had
looked like. Trees taller than
any size of giraffe, flowers
brighter than ones I’ve seen in
Minnesota cold. Washington
waters, salty as
saltine crackers and fresh like
fish. But waters where I’m at now
are filled with dirt, sand and algae.
But where my home is
has clean
and green
leaves in its forest.
He Was Lovely (2019)
I bet at one point he wondered what made me feel lovely.
He wanted to know what made me fearless
Because at one point he told me I was strong,
That he felt it.
He wanted to break through to me, but it was hopeless
He couldn’t make me feel lovely.
It wasn’t that I thought I was ugly,
but rather that my eyes had an entirely different focus.
I thought I didn’t want him, so it was hopeless.
I thought he wanted a break because he needed recovery.
You wanted me to feel bold.
I was pretty and quiet on the first date, like a white swan.
I wanted us to overcome our obstacles and unfold.
Instead, you changed your mind, and I ran as quickly as dawn.
I no longer have you to hold.
I hope you watch me in the night roam on.
A Secret (2019)
If you witnessed the way she looked at him, you would know immediately.
They look similar, and for that reason they look good together.
They are good together.
And you’re jealous of it.
Not necessarily because you want him, but because you want what they have.
A relationship beyond beauty and the outside appearance.
If you are in this situation you might feel like a hopeless romantic, but this is where it all changes:
He tells you it’s not her and that even though she loves him, he’s not into her like that and they’re just friends.
He asks you to come over at Midnight and you want to because you want something they have.
You like him, he likes you, nothing stopping the two; but his friends, who would never approve.
He lies for you, you sneak out a window, and both of you hope she doesn’t find you.
It might be fun to sneak out like you did as a kid: a temporary rush, but the guilt goes so down
only you understand.
I am colorful and dead (2019)
Autumn was colorful and dead.
Leaves drop fiercely like fire, burning red.
Sharp rain falling down in disappointment.
Longing for the warmth that’s budding through her.
Some leaves climb up high, clinging to safety.
They gather up their friends and cliques to sing.
The song goes on and there is no harmony.
She doesn’t bloom; She’s sand and is melting.
She frowns and cries because the seasons changed.
Her heart was flipped and was rearranged.
Autumn was colorful and dead.
Autumn was colorful and dead.
Branches tried to speak but nothing was said.
Leaves flew and Autumn watched in resentment.
The wind tormented her and got stronger.
She couldn’t escape and she had to flee.
The three seasons cried for her escaping.
The fire goes on and it’s brewing like tea.
The trees go bare and there’s no rescuing.
She frowns and cries because she is drained.
No longer she smiles nor feels her leaves painted.
Autumn was colorful and dead.
Pictures (2021)
I have pictures of you from the first day we hung out.
Now I have no idea what to do with them
Because I had thought you would still be dancing in my life.
I stood by your side for years
Cheering you on
Because I wanted you to be the star
I know that you are
I put you up on a pedestal
But I was so wrong
You took me for granted
And now you’re still glowing
But I’m no longer interested in being at your side.
You never cheered for me when I danced.
You could not even say congratulations the more my career grew.
I felt like the laughingstock to you
I was replaced within a week
And deleted after a month.
You erased one picture of me
When I had thousands of you.
More (2021)
Four years ago, my mom said what if I met the love of my life in college.
I met you two weeks later
And I told my roommate you were funny
I had no idea it would be anything greater.
Our first kiss was under the stars,
On a bench in a garden.
You lied your head on my lap
And called me your girl after.
You told me I deserved more than someone who just wanted my body
And I wondered what happened to that?
Because you used to do other things to show there was more in a relationship than that.
You convinced me to go out instead of doing homework on a Friday night.
I was on an all-new high.
I was earth and you were fire.
I wanted you around for longer than you were.
You gave me your red plaid and I gave you my heart.
We cuddled to movies until we fell asleep.
I still remember the way you watch me like I’m a piece of art.
I don’t forget your smile.
I loved your laugh
And the way you calmed me down when I got upset.
I miss our connection
And there has been no one else like you since.
The truth is that I still want you.
I want someone who laughs at everything I do and say,
But I need someone who can take the things I need to be serious seriously.
Especially if it’s me.
I woke up from La La Land when I asked you for more.
It could’ve been anything as long as I was with you
Not serious
But something to know I was yours and you were mine.
My heart broke once years before
And to prevent it again, I had to let you go.
Because you were right,
I do want more.
I’m sorry.
See You Later (2021)
The biggest heartbreak in this pandemic
Is losing you.
I try and I tried
But you don’t talk to me
A day passes by
Then suddenly
Weeks and months do too.
And you don’t even care at all.
You watched me cry in front of you
Then run back to your car to drive away.
We’ll see each other again in another six months
We will go back to our daily lives
We’ll both say we tried
But at the end of the day
I’m the only one leaving texts and calls
Over a span of two months and I don’t hear anything back at all.
And while I’m sad I lost three other people
In the last year
It’s a worst pain to know we weren’t the same.
You stopped telling me your days.
It went from details of your town
To your roommate’s names.
You used to be the first person to reach out to me
But now you never do too.
I miss you so much it’s like your dead
Your cell phone rings and rings
Why don’t you tell me you don’t want to see me again instead?
We don’t have any problems
You just disappeared without a trace
It’s like you’re dead but I know you’re not.
You don’t reach out
Even when I call.
You hurt me and you don’t even know
I cried so much my contacts are a flood
You used to tell me you texted me more than your mom
Now I’m left on delivered for months.