Growing up in a small town where most people are closed-minded, I never thought I would fully accept who I am. As a child, I realized I liked girls the same way I like boys. I repressed this feeling my whole elementary and high school career, believing that feeling would go away and I would be like my friends. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized I was dealing with internalized homophobia. It confused me because I was never hateful or “grossed out” by others who were in the LGBTQ+ community, but I couldn’t accept it for myself.
Then I started entertaining the idea that maybe I’m not straight, which was this feeling I’d always had. I don’t have to repress it anymore. It took a lot because I knew I wasn’t straight, but the internalized homophobia made it incredibly hard to admit it. And I wanted to admit it. I didn’t want to wait 30 years before fully expressing who I am and being scared to do so.
I came out to myself and then, I came out to my boyfriend. I had told him I wanted to have a serious talk with him and I explained that I was bisexual. I had been since I could remember, but I didn’t want to believe it for myself. Luckily, my boyfriend was supportive; he was understanding of it and didn’t mind at all. Most importantly, he didn’t out me to anyone. He understood that this was for me and that I should go about it the way I pleased. Shortly after, I had come out to my immediate family. Their response was great. They just sat there and said, “okay, and?” It didn’t phase them at all, and that’s exactly what I was hoping!
They still love me either way, and they don’t care about my sexual orientation.
Getting over the fear of rejection and invalidation can take time and cause anxiety–
But you are valid… Even if you are in a heteronormative relationship. Even if it took you years to understand yourself.
No one else has to understand it, but you are and will always be valid.