When in new territory, it’s common for us to seek out ice-breaker questions. We do this to get our peers to bear a part of themselves to the people around them to give a glimpse into who they really are as individuals. Examples of such questions may include:
- What’s your favorite movie?
- What’s a fun fact about yourself?
- If you could be any ice cream flavor, what would you be?
And so on and so forth.
However, my absolute least favorite ice-breaker question is none other than the fateful:
“If your house was on fire and you could only grab three things, what would they be?”
Now, of course, I understand the point of this completely hypothetical question. Whoever is asking is encouraging you to share three of the most important things in your life. However, from personal experience, this is a terrible way to get to that point.
In 2012 on a normal Friday night, my seventh-grade-self was sitting on my couch, texting who even knows who, when I heard my mom call out my name in a more urgent tone than usual. Normally when she’d shout my name, I’d brush it off and take my time, maybe even just settling for a yell back. This time was different.
I darted off my couch and headed toward her room, pushing the door open as fast as I could. Once it opened, I saw the flames.
I did many things following that first glimpse of fire. I filled up pots with water, I collapsed to the kitchen floor with tears in my eyes wondering how this could really be happening, I called 911, and I stood alone in the snow while hearing the wailing sirens of the approaching fire trucks.
Never once that night did I ask myself, “Hey, which three things are the most important to me?” The only belongings I ended up with that night were the clothes on my back and my cell phone, which I had used to call 911.
I lost many things in my house fire, including multiple pets. Looking back, I always wonder:
Can I have a do-over? Can I go back in time and pause to think back to all the ice-breaker responses I had given? Did I just do it wrong?
But there’s no “doing it wrong.” It’s fight or flight. And I flew.
I know that my situation may not be universal. Many people have plans in place for scenarios like mine. Maybe the ice-breaker question is actually for when you have a less-threatening fire or for people who don’t already suffer from anxiety on a day-to-day basis.
Either way, I really think that there are better ways to identify what things someone holds dear to them that are way less dire. I’ll even list a few:
- If your life was honored in a museum, what items would be on display?
- If you were sorting items for a garage sale, which items would be the first in the “keep” pile?
- Which possessions hold more than material value to you, and why?
- What is one item that characterizes your childhood? (Childhood can be replaced with middle school, high school or college experiences!)
Call me sensitive, but if you really want to know what things someone loves, don’t ask them about it in relation to an experience that is completely dependent on adrenaline like a house fire.