Dear ex-best friend,
We oftentimes used to reminisce on the day we met. We sat next to each other in our eighth grade science class by chance, and after hearing my name being called for attendance, you turned to me and told me my name was cool. And thus began our twisted friendship. Don’t get me wrong; our friendship definitely had its ups. The point of this letter isn’t to criticize you or our friendship but to give voice to the emotions and thoughts I’ve had buried in my chest for eight years now that couldn’t come out in the past for the sake of keeping our friendship intact.
One of the most prominent reasons for us being friends was our personal drive in school. We both had high expectations for ourselves, and that caused us to participate in the same extracurriculars and to do work together. That doesn’t seem like much of a reason to be friends with someone, right? And it wasn’t. It wasn’t enough to make me feel like this was a bond that was beneficial to either of us. I’m sorry to have felt this way and to say it like this now, but I saw you as competition. Why? Well, the pressures at home made me think that I couldn’t be less than “number one.” And with both of us being highly motivated students, you were my competition. And you won. I don’t hold grudges over you for being valedictorian while I was salutatorian; that would just be silly. I’m happy for both of our accomplishments, truly. But the point of this letter isn’t to talk about school; it goes much deeper than that.
Your family was like a second family to me. They are such wonderful people, and I’m thankful that they opened up their home to me and welcomed me warmly every time we had a sleepover, which seemed like every other week. We’ve had our fair share of deep conversations at 2am, and they meant so much to me, as I’m sure they did to you too. But beyond that, I felt like whenever I was with you, I couldn’t open myself up and be truly comfortable around you. In other words, the person I was when I was around you was not the person that I wanted to be and that I truly was inside. In addition to you dominating conversations and controlling the mood of the environment, naturally, I felt some form of resentment.
Furthermore, at times, I felt like my identity was slowly being taken away by you. That is, you copied my style, my handwriting, and my music taste. These were things that meant so much to me at the time, so I felt like I was left with nothing that defined myself. I guess I’m flattered for the appreciation you had for me, but I wanted you to find your own interests and style, your own individuality, instead of feeling like you had to borrow mine.
When I got to college, that’s when I found out what real friendship looks like. I finally had something to compare our relationship to in order to realize that what we had wasn’t genuine friendship. I feel terrible for not sending back letters whenever you sent me cards for holidays and birthdays, but had I not done so, I would have dug myself deeper into this friendship that I wanted no part in. Just because we had spent the last 5 years of our lives together, it did not mean that we had to continue faking our happiness around each other. I was 12 hours away from you, and that gave me the distance I needed to realize that leading you on to believe that we were still best friends would just make me unhappy and eventually blow up on you after keeping all these feelings buried inside.
I care about you and hope you’re living your best life. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that in order for us to both be happy, we needed to not be in each other’s lives. Take care, buddy.
Sincerely,
Your ex-best friend