WLU Sex Archives: Segment 3: The Ones That Made Us Laugh Out Loud

Yes, we’re back with even more hilarious, but totally true, sex stories from our Her Campus Chapter members.

Stories have been edited for length, grammar and clarity.

I called my boyfriend Daddy "ironically" in front of all of his friends. I forgot that his roommate knows he has a Daddy kink... Well, now we're all in on the joke.

This summer my boyfriend was cooking me dinner (he's a keeper), but forgot to wash his hands properly after cutting up a whole bunch of jalapenos. We started fooling around, and THE JALEPENO GOT EVERYWHERE. I mean everywhere. That shit burns......

I was having sex with my boyfriend one day when I started to get a foreign feeling I hadn’t ever felt before. Being new to the sex world, I was very clueless as to what was happening, so what did I do? I started bawling my eyes out. While on top of my boyfriend, I cried as this new feeling took me by shock, and I seriously did not know what to do with myself. It wasn't painful, just something new, and new can be scary sometimes, right? He kept asking me what was wrong and I just couldn't find the words to explain it. Eventually I calmed down and tried to make sense of what was happening. That’s the story of my first orgasm.

 

I was drunk and having sex with my boyfriend, and I woke up the next morning remembering absolutely nothing. Apparently, I was on top and shouted, "I'm druuuuuunk" and promptly blacked out on the spot, mid-sex, until morning.  

 

This doesn't directly involve sex, but let's all be thankful that it doesn't. At my best friend's 19th birthday we went all out. After the pre, limo ride, dinner, and the club, I was wasted. From what my other friends have told me (due to my limited recollection from that night), I disappeared into the crowd. Apparently, when my friend came to tell me that she was leaving, I turned around and started aggressively making out with this guy. The next thing I remember was waking up, sprawled out on this stranger's bed. When I looked over, he was standing in his room, showered and fully dressed. Here I was feeling like absolute trash, finally remembering that I had lost my phone and scraped my knee the night before. I didn't have a phone for 2 weeks nor did I remember his name, but he somehow still drove me home that morning and managed to text me. Turns out, being a drunken embarrassment doesn't always end badly, because he asked me to go out on a date, and now he’s my boyfriend.

One time, I tried to be sexy and flipped my hair while on top of my girlfriend. I was pretty drunk and I actually fell off the bed. Probably not as sexy as I had hoped.  

The first night back after winter break, my friends and I were ready to kick off Frost Week. We had an awesome pre, and somehow met up with this guy who I knew was a total dirt bag. Him and his friend managed to find their way into our apartment, post-bar. One of my roommates and I were already pretty wasted, but decided to entertain these two guys by bringing out some whisky. After finishing the bottle, I had still decided that I didn't want to hook up with this total player and decided to inform all of my roommates so I wouldn’t change my mind. Not even 10 minutes later, I had changed my mind and told all of my roommates to leave my room. One problem... I wasn't groomed downstairs and had to take a quick shower to fix it. My roommates all left to go to a party, and once I got out of the shower, the apartment was quiet so I assumed this guy had left. In the morning, one of my roommates woke me up and asked me where the guy was. I explained that he had left, but then we noticed his shoes were still there and we couldn't find him. We finally found him in one of our roommate's beds, who was away for the weekend. This was especially awkward because we were not really friends with her at this point and knew she would freak out. After talking it over 100 times we realized that he must've passed out in her bed thinking it was mine, and that, assuming he'd left, I just went to bed. When we woke him up in the morning, he had a black eye. None of us know why, but it made for a great story.

Stay tuned for the final 2 segments of the Sex Archives, where we’ll share the most awkward and most cringe-worthy sex stories we’ve ever heard!