WLU Sex Archives: Segment 2: The MOST Embarrassing

We told you we’d be back and we don’t break our promises. We had our HC team contribute some of their most embarrassing sex stories, and tbh we can’t even believe some of these are real.  

Stories have been edited for length, grammar and clarity.

My partner and I decided to get a little frisky on the beach around 2am. There was nobody around, so we climbed up onto the lifeguard stand and things escalated from there. We started having sex and it was hot, spontaneous, and very fun. After we were done, we just went back to his place and fell asleep. The next morning, we came down for breakfast, and my partner’s parents told us they had seen something very odd and "funny" the previous night. From their balcony, his parents had witnessed two people having sex on the lifeguard stand. To this day I have no idea if his parents knew if it was us or not... but I hope I never have to find out.

I woke up in a pool of blood on the bed of a guy I had just met for the first time.

I hooked up with a guy in residence during O-Week, when you totally can’t have guests, and without my knowledge he walked into the hallway in nothing but a towel asking where the pizza was. There was no pizza, but instead, there were duty dons. Can you say busted?

I had sex with a guy I met on my graduation trip to Punta Cana. I woke up after a drunken night at 6 am with him still in my bed and, just my luck, travellers’ diarrhea. The walls were paper thin so I played music in the hopes that he didn’t hear and I think I got away with it. I texted all my friends about it in a group chat, because duh, what else would I do? When everyone started waking up a few hours later one of my friends ran into the room, thinking he was gone, and loudly asked, “HOW WAS THE DIARRHEA?” He responded with “I think that’s my cue to leave.” We never had sex again.

My friend and were experiencing single-dom for the first time and LOVING it. We had been going out in Toronto, meeting new guys, and having a real good time. We had met this group of older guys who were very cute and successful, living in a high-rise apartments looking over the lake, so it became our favourite place to pre, and they didn't seem to mind. We missed the last Go-Bus home at 2:40am one night, and they were nice enough to let us sleepover. The next morning, I woke up butt naked in this guys' bed, truly not knowing his name or remembering anything. I rolled over to see my clothes on the floor, a used condom, and some lube. We left as soon as we could, and anyone could've spotted me walking along Lakeshore at 9am on a Sunday in leather leggings. Not one of my finer moments.

Thought his guest had left but he hadn't, and most definitely heard me screaming quite obnoxiously during sex...at 6 am...

So, I'm in the middle of having sex, which at this point I'm not very well-acquainted with, since I had done it maybe twice. It's going okay, until I see blood dripping down my leg. I FREAK OUT. He pulls out and is very calm and collected while I'm bawling and saying that he's "ruined my vagina," and "this is why big dicks are a problem". I'm frantically trying to wipe up the blood and contemplating life without successful sex ever again, while he's looking more and more horrified, staring down at his crotch like it's a deadly weapon. I call my mother in hysterics (this is the kind of relationship we have) and she calms me down by asking "are you on your period?" I then remembered that it was that time of the month. I apologized to the guy afterwards, who took it better than I originally did. Whoops.

This one time when I was having a few beverages at a friend’s house, things got wild and I ended up coming on to one of my friends! We were going at it when I tried to roll over to a new position and just fell right off the bed...the thud probably echoed through their whole house! We both laughed about it, but he told all his roommates. Next week we were hanging out, and I walked into his room to see my bra tacked to the wall for everyone to see! OMG.

Like what you’re reading? Stay tuned for 3 more segments of Her Campus Laurier’s most hilarious and most awkward sex stories EVE