Why Sex Isn’t Actually All That in a Relationship

I know you’ve seen the title but before you run away, hear me out. Sex, while highly enjoyable, isn’t the be all end all in your relationship. To some, I’m sure it’s thought to be, but from my personal experience, not having sex that often has actually benefitted my relationship. So before you drop this article like it’s hot, let me tell you why I personally think there is more to your love life than, well…your love life!


Sex is practically the ultimate form of intimacy. I don’t think you can get any closer to your partner, quite literally. It is important to engage in high forms of intimacy with your partner, but in my experience, when I don’t engage in this form of intimacy with my partner every single time we see each other, it makes me value it more. I appreciate having sex with my partner every time, but it means even more to me when it’s not as often. It allows the tension to build up for a while (sometimes weeks) and as a result, when we do have sex it is more passionate and more romantic as well. If you want a happy and healthy sex life with your partner, keeping your intimacy meaningful will definitely help. Not always having sex can also help you to appreciate yourself. You can take this time to explore and discover yourself in ways you can’t if you’re constantly engaging in sex with another person. You can determine what you like and then when you’re with a partner, you can fully engage and appreciate the experience.

Spicing things up

Another bonus of not having sex all that often is that you don’t have to worry about spicing things up as frequently. Partners who have sex very often tend to get in this rut where they have to come up with new ways to make their experiences more passionate and fun. Want to not have a search history full of how to spice things up in the bedroom? Don’t have sex that often! When you don’t, it feels new and exciting every time. The only spice you’ll need is the Spice Girls on repeat.

Building your relationship

This right here is the number one reason why I’m grateful for not having sex with my partner all the time. I’ve been with my partner for just under two years, and as you could probably guess, we don’t get intimate every single time we see each other. It may sound like a relationship that isn’t all that great, but I found that I love him even more because of it. We don’t see each other to have sex, we see each other to see each other. We didn’t get into a relationship to have sex, we have sex because we’re in a relationship. I feel as if I’ve really gotten to know him and who he is as a person, and I found that it has made our relationship that much stronger. We are intimate, sometimes not in the way that people think matters, but in a way that we know and understand. I am able to talk to him about anything and I have this opportunity of being able to build our relationship to thank! My love for him only grows stronger every day. We even discussed one time how we don’t have sex a lot, and we both agreed that although it’d be nice to have it more, we enjoy being able to just spend time with each other. I think that’s a conversation all couples should have!

Not risking it

While some couples enjoy the risk of potentially having someone walking in on them mid-sex-sesh, I personally hate this feeling and find that I don’t enjoy myself when I’m in this situation. This tends to be the main reason why my partner and I don’t have sex that often, as we both live at home with our parents. To those who love the risk of it all, I applaud you and wish I could be like you, but I’m not and I’m here to say that it’s okay! Not having sex often because you’re afraid of the risk is completely normal and hopefully your partner agrees or at least understands that! For those who don’t live alone yet, just think of how great the feeling will be when you do and then you can do what and whoever you want, anytime and not have to worry about walking out of your room with a huge flashing sign screaming, “I just had sex!”

Your relationship is your own, and you know better than anybody what works best for you. This could be having sex all the time with your partner (or multiple partners), not having sex often or not having sex at all. You are the master of your own life, but I hope that you can take from this article that based on my personal experiences, not always engaging in sex can actually benefit your relationship. Sometimes the saying “abstinence makes the heart grow fonder” isn’t wrong!