The societal pressure to fit in and dress the part, all while knowing their next move in almost every aspect of their life, is something that sparks a flame in the mind of girls everywhere, especially for perfectionists and (borderline) control freaks like me. It seems like, in my life, especially since going to university, I’ve adopted this dire need to be productive at all times and if I take a break for myself or do things that don’t push me to where I need to be for the future, I feel like some sort of failure. While constantly aiming to achieve all my goals simultaneously, it seems that girls are continually pressured to look like they have it all figured out physically too. I don’t know if this is just me, but I know that when I leave the house in my comfiest sweats, which are pretty much stay-at-home clothes, with my hair in a half-done bun from the night before, I internally and externally feel this sense of judgement. If boys can walk around with sweats and a hoodie every day with half-brushed hair, why can’t we? The reality is that when girls walk around in sweats, a messy bun and no makeup, we say we do this because we just ‘don’t care.’ But I constantly wonder why dressing for comfort and doing things at a slower pace makes us convince ourselves that we must openly admit we ‘don’t care’ when we know deep down that’s not the case. To put it bluntly, the double standard of what’s physically expected of men and women is irritating. While coming to these realizations, instead, I think it’s time we change the narrative to stop having to over-explain ourselves for just existing and be okay with just not knowing.
Predictably, if you know me or have been a continuous reader of my feminist-lensed articles, you know I ate up the Barbie movie, particularly America Fererra’s monologue expressing to a tee how women feel and exist in society. One of my favourite lines that spoke to me and many other overachieving females is, ‘We always have to be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.’ For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been aiming for extraordinary. I’ve never been the girl who’s okay with achieving the bare minimum in any aspect of my life. But now, looking back at where my overachiever syndrome has gotten me, I’m grateful, but now it almost feels like an addiction to validation, both internally and externally. Having this sort of fixation on success, I can’t help but feel like other girls around me feel this same sort of societal pressure, feeling the need to constantly push the limits of what is expected of them.
One of the most superficial things that bothers me the most about thinking I ‘have my sh*t together’ is the stereotype that being physically ‘put together’ for girls means dressed up with makeup on. The most laughable example of this that I can think of is the difference between girls and boys before getting ready to go out. Typically, if you’re getting ready to go out at 9:30 or 10 pm, girls will start getting ready at 6:30 or 7, after just completing an ‘everything shower’ (because hygiene standards are also higher for girls for some reason). After doing your hair, you do the makeup that costs you an arm and a leg to basically just enhance your natural features. Once you’re caked, you pick out an outfit that is fashionable enough so the girls around you will appreciate it but flattering enough to get some male attention but not ‘overly flattering’ or extenuating your features or else you’re giving the wrong impression and appear ‘easy.’ Once you’re dressed to society’s standards, it’s time to pre for a solid hour or an hour and a half because God forbid you go to the bar somewhat sober and appear dull?!? Thankfully, we gals have romanticized getting ready and going out. We’ve claimed it as a form of girlhood to share clothes and perfect one’s respected skin care routines once returning home at the end of the night. But wouldn’t life be so much easier for us ladies if it was normalized to go out in the same sweatpants we’d worn the past two days and a graphic tee or, if we’re feeling fun, a jersey of choice? Then, after getting dressed, you just throw on a hat and … leave your house.
Now, while I poke fun at how much less effort is required of boys to receive praise from one another or girls, I guess it’s hard to complain when that’s the society we’ve engrained in ourselves. The female stereotype of always being on your Ps and Qs has been passed on for generations. The struggle to always feel the need to be so extraordinary and still have people say the way we do things isn’t good enough is the prime reason for why I wanted to write this article. No matter how much you convince your perfectionist, societally indulged brain that you need to dress a certain way or prove points to appear seen, think deeply about why you feel so inclined to do so. If the reason is self-improvement in any aspect, keep pushing yourself girl, but if your reasoning has external motivation, let it go. It’s virtually impossible to please society, girls and boys included, so focus on doing things intentionally to help yourself grow at a healthy pace. Give yourself grace, wear whatever makes you feel confident and don’t be too hard on yourself. Your perfectionist mind deserves some days off.
Peace & Love,
Gracee