As young adults living in the twenty-first century, we’ve all experienced the complicated and confusing world commonly known as “dating”. There are far too many things we stop to consider while playing the dating game: How long do I wait to text back? When do I add them on Facebook? Does ‘Netflix and chill’ qualify as a real date? Twenty-first century dating has become such a convoluted, detached, and technologically involved process that, sometimes, it’s more trouble than it’s worth. In a world full of people prioritizing cell phones over face-to-face interaction and commitment complications, sometimes we just need to take a step backwards, literally. While we’ve made tons of progress over the years in other walks of life, I think we could learn a thing or two from previous generations when it comes to dating.
Connect, Without the Connection
The amount of times I have seen couples out on dates, staring blankly at their cell phones rather than actually interacting with the person they are supposed to be spending time with is too damn high. These days, we’re so immersed in our cell phones and social media personas that we forget that these technologies are supposed to be tools that enhance personal interaction, not replace it. In other words, you shouldn’t need to be on your phone talking to people, checking statuses, and tweets when there’s somebody sitting right in front of you. Take a tip from the pre-social media crazed generations: leave your phone at home or turn it off for a couple hours when spending time with the people you care about, you’ll have a way better time.
Face-to-Face is Better than Screen-to-Screen
Texting, calling, face-timing, and the millions of other communication platforms are great ways to communicate with people who aren’t right in front of you; unfortunately, people have gotten a little too comfortable making this their primary means of communication. More and more, people are opting to have conversations that really should be had face-to-face through texts or calls. From asking people out on dates to having arguments, we use our screens as a barrier that allows us to feel more comfortable and confident in what we are saying. Here is the issue with this: these sorts of conversations are supposed to be genuine, even awkward and uncomfortable at times. Dating is all about getting to know people and pushing yourself out of your comfort zones; it’s kind of hard to do those things when both parties are calculating their responses based on how they want to appear to the other person. Take a break from talking to your screen! Ask them out in person! Fight with them in person! Talk to them in person, I guarantee you’ll wind up with better results.
Are Dating Sites a Deterrent from Real-World Dating?
While dating sites and social media apps can be a helpful and easy way to meet people, I find that people tend to rely on them too heavily. It’s not often that you see someone approach a stranger they find attractive and strike up a conversation, or even ask them on a date. In fact, a lot of people would find this downright creepy or unsettling, despite the fact that that was one of the only ways to meet people before dating became so technological. Somehow, having someone random ask you to sit on their face over apps like Tinder has become more common and acceptable than having someone random ask you to go for coffee in person, strange right? In my opinion, we should get back to the second option.
If Everything is a Date, is Anything Really a Date?
What constitutes a date is getting more and more casual as years pass. It has become harder and harder to distinguish between someone asking you on a date and someone asking you to hangout (unless they overtly state it). If someone asks you to come over and watch movies, do they mean it as a friendly hangout or as a ‘Netflix and chill’ situation? We may never know. As a self proclaimed lazy girl, I love staying in and watching movies with a bag of chips and good company as much as the next girl, but I’d like to know what kind of behaviour to expect from my companion. Another issue with the rise of casual dates is that they start to replace doing actual activities with each other. Again, I love lying on the couch doing basically nothing, but when that’s all you do together, it can get old. I’m not saying that you should go out and spend a bunch of money on fancy dinners and activities all the time, but once in a while it doesn’t hurt. Just make an effort to mix things up every so often; think outside the box and plan low-key, inexpensive, but fun activities to do together, like a day at the beach or skating at a local ice rink.
Debunking the “DTR” Fear
Although it’s hard to believe, dating used to be a much simpler process. Meet, get to know each other, then define the relationship based on what each person wants. This last step usually resulted in ‘going steady’ or parting ways, but everything was pretty clear-cut. Modern dating, on the other hand, is a complete mess in comparison; it’s no longer as simple as ‘dating’ or ‘not dating’. Basically, we have not dating, friends with benefits, f*ck buddies, ‘things’, exclusive but not together, together but not exclusive, and anything else you could possibly think of. The reason for all this nonsense? People are afraid to actually tell their partner what they want in case their feelings aren’t reciprocated. There’s this huge stigma around defining the relationship (DTR) and it has been blown way out of proportion. Not knowing where you stand with someone sucks, and asking about it has been made into something that ‘clingy’ people do to advance the relationship, which is not at all the case. Wanting to DTR is totally normal and chances are the other person is just as confused as you are. Save each other the time and confusion that is the millions of middle grounds and be forward and communicate about what you want from the relationship.
While 21st century dating might be a bumpy ride, taking a step back and removing some of the technological aspects from the equation can make things run a lot smoother. Throw it back to the 20th century and try out some old school dating tactics! It might just make the game a whole lot easier.