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Wellness

Where to Not Find Yourself on St. Paddy’s Day

It’s that time of year again, the day that Laurier is (in)famous for: St Paddy’s Day. There is little doubt that the incentive is to break the record all over again regarding how many people will fill up Ezra Ave., and while it is fun, it can also be not-so-fun depending on the situations you might find yourself in.

So consider this as a sort of survival guide or a map on how to ensure that St. Paddy’s is all smooth sailing, or at least as smooth as it can be!

Barf Valley

While the objective is to get loaded enough to tolerate the massive swarm of drunken kids on the street, it is essential to prepare yourself for battle. You should plan a course of action when consuming booze. Rather than downing everything all in one go, it’s probably a smarter decision to space out when you have each drink (or shot). That way you won’t end up hunched over the toilet instead of having a great time with your friends.

Peeing it Legal

Speaking from experience, don’t attempt to pee outside — no matter how badly you have to go. Before anything, seek out a bathroom, or else you may find out just how out of shape you are regarding your cardio abilities. In my experience, you’re going to have to run from the official party poopers. So just keep your bladder in check.

Keep It in Your Pants

It may be a day of luck, but it doesn’t mean you need to get lucky — especially if you’re severely intoxicated. Now, I’m the last one to push abstinence on people, but if you aren’t in the right state of mind (a.k.a. you’re drunk as shit) it might not be in your best interests to go home with a stranger. For one, you might regret it. Secondly, you may not be safe because sometimes common sense goes out the window when alcohol is in the picture.

What’s up Doc?

Getting your stomach pumped is about as pleasant as it sounds. While I have not experienced this myself, I have friends who have and they 10/10 would NOT recommend it to a friend. The purpose of what’s in your insides is meant to stay in your insides.

The Only Cell You Want is Your Cell Phone

Remember, public intoxication is enforced by the Po-Po. Disciplinary actions may be taken, and you definitely do not want to find yourself in the back of a cop car en route to the cells. But if you do, I want a front row seat to see exactly what you would tell your parents and how they would react.

Essentially, while St. Paddy’s is meant to be fun, there are some things that you want to avoid to make sure you have the best time possible. That being said, I hope everyone has a blast this year and stay safe!

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Hanna Jackson

Wilfrid Laurier

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