My general attitude towards the holidays is one of excitement and joy. Between getting to see my close family and eating three times my weight in delicious home-cooked food, I normally am in agreement with Andy Williams — it’s the most wonderful time of the year!
That being said, there is one thing about the holidays that never fails to irk me year after year: the dreaded questions. They always come at the dinner table, where it feels like your entire family is ganging up on you. I’m pretty sure they all conspire to make me as uncomfortable as possible — and it’s working! I’ve gotten so much practice over the years answering random questions on the spot tactfully, I could probably pursue a career in politics if I was so inclined. However, while I may be subtle on the outside, internally there’s a million different things running through my head. And while I can’t say them out loud without getting glares from my mom, I most certainly can share them with you. So sit back and enjoy, as I relive years upon years of uncomfortable family dinners.
“Do you know how much longer you will be in school for?”
What I say: “No, it depends on what I decide to do afterwards!”
What I’m thinking: “No, and I’d appreciate it greatly if you’d stop subtly judging me for not finishing in the normal 4 years.”
“What do you plan on doing when finished school?”
What I say: “I’m not sure yet, I’m considering a few different options.”
What I’m thinking: “I spend way too much time staring at my cupboard trying to figure out what the heck to make myself for dinner. If I can’t do that with ease, I’m certainly too indecisive to figure out my entire life. If you think I should have that figured out by now, you should probably lower your expectations!”
“How are your grades?”
What I say: “They’re good!”
What I’m thinking: “They’re good, but only because I’ve sacrificed my sleep and health for them!”
“Why aren’t you eating more?”
What I say: “I’m saving room for dessert!”
What I’m thinking: “That’s most definitely, absolutely none of your business.”
“Why aren’t you smiling?”
What I say: “I’m just a bit tired.”
What I’m thinking: “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’ve been working all day to help make this elaborate dinner, while you showed up just a half hour before. Ungrateful jerk.”
“Do you have a boyfriend yet?”
What I say: “No, not at the moment.”
What I’m thinking: “For the fifth time tonight, no, I don’t have a frickin’ boyfriend. And even if I did, that’s not a conversation I want to be having with you, Aunt I see twice a year.”
“Are you going for another glass of wine?”
What I say: “Maybe!”
What I’m thinking: “Well, how else am I supposed to handle the firing squad bombarding me with annoying as heck questions?”
And lastly…
“How are you?”
What I say: “Great, thanks for asking.”
What I’m thinking: “I’d be better if I wasn’t talking to you!”
Hopefully you’re able to escape the dreaded question period this holiday season. And if you’re not, then good luck!
Happy Holidays!