We have all been there – our best friend of many years finds herself in a new relationship and as things get serious, you can tell she’s drifting away deeper into her own world with him/her. That’s all fine and dandy, but what happens when you – the best friend – start being put last?
In that case, what can you possibly do?
For starters, you should be supportive. Put any personal feelings you may have regarding their relationship aside. Be happy that they (specifically, your best friend) are happy. Everyone deserves a happy relationship and it can be hard when the person in the relationship feels as though they should choose between their lifelong friendships and their brand-new relationship. I get it. We’ve all been there.
Tell them how you feel
Express your fears of being pushed aside and let them know that you do not want that happening. If they respect your friendship, they will agree. Let them know that you don’t want to lose them, that your friendship means the world to you and that you are happy that they are happy. It’s possible that they may just need some reassurance too; that they can be happy in a new relationship without sacrificing any part of your friendship for it.
Now, what if you don’t like the person that they are seeing?
This is possible and can be the case more often than not. As a friend, you can see concerns before they do thanks to your perspective on the outside. If you have tried to give that person a chance and even then can still see what your friend cannot, then it is your duty as the best friend to make sure that he/she knows how you feel about the person they are seeing. Of course, any feelings should be disclosed in a civil, understanding conversation without any hostility. Express your feelings, but leave the rest up to them. You can’t decide for them whether they should break up with their partner; they need to come to terms with that decision on their own, and if they respect you at all, they will keep your opinion in mind.
So, you’ve told them how you feel… now what?
As hard as it may be, back away. Understand that there are boundaries between best friends and new relationships. You should not be the constant third wheel in your friend’s relationship. Let them explore the new relationship on their own and get a feel for the person they are seeing. They are with them for a reason, which means in one way or another, that person makes them happy and as the best friend, you should be accepting of that.
Friendships are so important. They can be the foundation of who we are, especially if you’ve grown with that person and have strengthened that friendship as you both got older. But getting older also means new romantic relationships and those are just as important. There is a fine line between friendships and relationships. Being mature means finding a balance between the two and being supportive if you’re the one on the outside.