Decide if your home and your honey are a match made to be.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now, and we have lived together for almost 2 of them. It hasn’t always easy, but I’ve been very lucky to have found someone who inevitably makes things work and is someone I always want to come home to. Living with someone else can be a challenge, and it’s something to think about before jumping right in and doing it. I’ve compiled a list of things to consider before moving in with your significant other, as you both take that next step!
1. Make sure you want to move in together for the right reasons Make sure you both want to live together because you feel ready, you genuinely want to, and it’s something that you’re both willing to put effort into. Never use moving in together as a last ditch attempt at “fixing” a relationship that may not be working out, to satisfy any feelings of loneliness you may have, or because you feel pressured to by your partner, or other people. This is a decision that’s completely up to you, regardless of what other people may say. Do what you feel is right for your relationship.
2. You’re probably going to fight more at first, and that’s completely normal Living with my boyfriend, especially at the beginning, was an adjustment period for both of us. We each have habits that can irritate the other, and we weren’t used to being around each other all the time. The arguments we had were trivial, usually related to my intense annoyance over nitpicky household things, but we got (most of) our differences out of the way as we learned what it was like to live with each other. The arguing simmers down considerably when you’ve found a balance between coexisting with your partner and you’re both comfortable in your shared space.
3. You’re going to need to find (or make) your own space I cannot stress enough how fundamentally important this point is. It’s not always something that couples consider, because many (like myself) think that you won’t need your own space, since your partner is just so darn amazing! Well folks let me tell you, you will need that spot to go off to – if you need time to cool off, or literally just want to be by yourself (which almost everyone needs to do, at least sometimes). So if you’re looking for a new apartment, try to keep an eye out for places that have an extra room, or even just a space that you can say, “that right there will be my domain.”
4. Many decisions will need to be collaborative ones It might not be easy at first, but once you live together, it is incredibly important to involve each other in decisions that are made. Do either of you already have pets, or want a pet? How do you plan on furnishing/decorating your new home? Is it okay if you unexpectedly invite friends over? What about throwing a party? Things that you once wouldn’t have had to really worry about on your own, now directly affect the other person living with you. So if you both want your living situation to be a happy and healthy one, make sure you talk to each other about things that you want to do.
5. The boring and the technical will need to be discussed It may seem like a given, but something as mundane, yet annoyingly essential as finances, will need to be a factor you both work out. Figure out your plans on paying bills, rent, and other expenses like food, BEFORE living together, to save yourselves a lot of unnecessary stress. It’s better to get those adult things out of the way first, so that they don’t cause trouble later on.
6. Compromise is ESSENTIAL My boyfriend and I are inherently stubborn people, especially about little, petty things. This has caused us both to realize when we need to compromise in order to live happily and peacefully. You’re both going to have to give in a little and be willing to budge an inch when necessary, so that you don’t end up wanting to murder each other.
7. The dynamic between you will likely change Going from dating outside the comforts of your home and kicking them out in the morning, to cohabiting together 24/7, is a change that will likely evolve the dynamic you share with your partner. Living together has a direct connotation with seriousness added to a relationship, and even though that has merit, it doesn’t mean that it has to be a negative thing. I’ve found that living with my boyfriend has made me far more comfortable around him, and we’ve both fell into a sense of ease at being around each other so much of the time.
8. Realize that they will not do things exactly like you do This point was a challenging one for me to accept. I am like Monica Geller, through and through. I am a high-maintenance perfectionist who likes things to be done my way. My boyfriend however, is Chandler Bing. An easy going guy who jokes his way through anything, and is noticeably low-maintenance. I have had to grudgingly accept that he will not match my ingrained desire to fold laundry a certain way or clean the apartment to my critical satisfaction. The important thing is that he tries, he always does his best, and he manages to get things done just as well as I do. Adjusting your expectations and realizing that people have different ways of doing things, doesn’t make them wrong or bad.
9. Things won’t always be 50/50 This is another difficult aspect that I think many people don’t expect when living with their partner. It is nearly impossible for every task, chore and responsibility to be divided up completely evenly, all the time. What matters is whether or not you’re both putting in effort and doing your best to level out the amount of work the other one has to do. Strive for balance as much as possible, and make sure you voice your concerns if you feel like you’re picking up too much of the slack.
10. Having routines that work for both of you makes things much easier It’s likely that your schedules will not match up completely, and that’s to be expected. My boyfriend and I are still perfecting this one, but we’ve learned how to work around each other in order to get things done effectively. Whether it’s exercising, making meals, getting schoolwork done, or travelling back and forth to work and school, it’s important that you establish routines that make it possible to live around the other person, and still make each of you feel independent.
11. Any privacy you had about your habits before, pretty much goes out the window You will probably see everything, and I mean everything. You really learn not to be embarrassed or feel any shame when you live with your significant other, and I have become pretty much desensitized to anything and everything. The human body is a glorious, disgusting thing.
12. It won’t always be as easy to make romance a top priority This point isn’t necessarily a “bad” one, just something to keep in mind. Because you’re going to live with each other, you’re likely going to fall into a different sense of contentment than you had before. A lot of the mystery won’t be there anymore, and you won’t have extended periods apart from one another like you did when you weren’t living together. Because of this, my boyfriend and I have become close friends, on top of being partners. It’s a wonderful thing, but we still make sure to prioritise going on dates, surprising each other and being romantic.
13. At the end of the day, it’s a (relatively) serious commitment Living together isn’t a two day sleepover. It’s a permanent decision that involves coming home to the same person every single day and night. It means hashing out uncomfortable issues, sharing practically everything, and keeping your relationship healthy and strong amidst challenges that aren’t always easy, especially as a young adult. Things have the potential to change, but make sure you’re ready to actually commit to the responsibility, not just the idea of it.
14. If you decide to live with each other, it won’t go perfectly, but you’ll know if it’s worth it It will take some adjusting to, but living with your partner is something that should make you feel happy and content. At the end of the day, if they’re part of what makes your home, feel like home, then I’m pretty sure the decision was worth it.
Besides, I can safely say there are few things more fun than making grilled cheese at 3am in your underwear, while dancing around to Disney songs in your kitchen with your partner. If they’re the right fit, your person and your home will feel like it.