Let’s just get this out in the open, right from the jump. I am black — if you couldn’t guess from the title. I am a darker-skinned black woman — and I just so happen to go to a university where majority of the students are of Caucasian descent. I absolutely love my university, I bleed purple and gold. I also don’t have a problem with being the token black girl. For anyone that is unfamiliar with that specific term: it simply means that I am the only black girl in my group of friends.
I have always been the only black girl in my group of friends, from elementary school until today. I have also always been consciously aware of the differences and have rarely felt uncomfortable. There are a few slip ups here and there, I won’t lie, but they never intend to hurt me. I have made sure that my friend group is aware and comfortable to ask questions if need be.
I grew up with comments that I didn’t understand and individuals with curious eyes. It has been twenty years and it has gotten to the point where I can just laugh quietly and answer. Or roll my eyes and stare. Whichever is more appropriate at that moment.
How about we just spill the tea and discuss my top seven favourite moments.
1. Not knowing when to say: “Black” or “African-American.”
I was born in Canada. I am also not African. I am a second-generation Canadian and my grandparents are from the Caribbean. This technically means that I am NOT African-American. Not every black person is from Africa. Black is not a scary word and we will not be offended.
2. Asking where I am really from …
This is one of my most asked questions. Ever. The conversation is always the same.
Them: Where are you from?
Me: Toronto.
Them: No, I mean like really from?
My face:
I am from Canada. If you are asking what my background is, it’s Trinidadian. But I am really from Canada.
3. Talking about slavery and being the only black student in class.
I feel famous. Ask for my autograph. Take a quick little picture. I will strike a pose. Being the only black student in the class is more awkward for everyone else, than it is for me. The professor doesn’t know whether to look in my general direction or to ignore me. I almost want to give an encouraging smile.
4. The “N” Word.
If you are not black DO NOT SAY THE N WORD. It truly is not a difficult concept. The historical context rooted in the word is disrespectful and harmful to those around you. I do not care if it ends in an -a or an -er. The word is the word and it is not a word that should be said. Point blank. Period.
5. The obvious stereotypes.
Alright. So, I do not like watermelon, fried chicken or grape juice. I am not always angry and I do not have a stereotypical “black name.” I beg of you, keep those comments to yourself.
6. My hair.
A) Do not touch my hair. Admire from afar or ask politely to know what it feels like. I am more than willing to answer questions surrounding my hair or even let you touch. But if another random individual comes behind me and pulls my hair in the grocery store checkout line, without my permission, I will snap.
B) Do not ask if my hair is mine or not. If the hair is on my head, it’s mine. If I bought it, it’s mine. Whether it be weave, twists, natural, braids, etc, I have been blessed with hair that is versatile and can handle different styles. It is mine.
7. “You’re pretty for a black girl”
This is not a compliment. This will never be a compliment. I am not pretty FOR a black girl. If you find me attractive, then I am simply pretty. This will forever be the most disheartening comment that I will ever receive. I will not smile, I will not say thank you. My face will probably say it all.
Being the token black girl will never be a problem. I believe that being a black woman is phenomenal and I am blessed every day to have a friend group that is accepting. I am also constantly entertained with these little remarks and situations that I tend to find myself in.
At the end of the day, please just be nice — and if it’s not nice or you have questions, please just ask. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.