Let’s cut to the chase: the Shrek movies are pretty great. Weird memes about them aside, Shrek is one of those classic franchises that I’ve loved since I was a kid. I probably relate a little too much to a green ogre, a talking donkey, and their misfit friends, but comparing them all to the numerous beauty moments we’ve all endured before is something that pretty much speaks for itself.
1.That feeling when you’re on a date and your entire face is falling apart.
You can feel one of your false lash strips popping off your lid, you think there’s something in your teeth, you’ve probably smudged the makeup off one whole eye from rubbing that annoying contact lens that won’t stop itching – basically, it’s a mess that somehow needs to be fixed within five minutes in the restaurant bathroom.
2. Trying to deal with the stress of matching your winged liner on both eyelids.
There are few things more stressful than my shaky hands attempting to even out my eye makeup and make it look somewhat symmetrical. It never works, but after I’ve redone it a countless number of times to make it appear decent, I need some sort of stress relieving award to congratulate myself.
3. The grin you give to your reflection when you’re finally ready after three hours.
This doesn’t look like that Zoella makeup tutorial I found on YouTube this morning…at all.
4. When you haven’t contoured your face and someone compliments you.
My face needs all the help it can get.
5. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror coming out of the shower.
Suddenly, you’re convincing yourself that you should be a model. You pose seductively, admiring your temple of a body and wondering why you haven’t been scooped up by some elite magazine to do a tasteful, partially nude photo shoot.
6. When you wash your hair after a week of neglecting it.
It’s a lot of work to wash, condition, dry and style your hair. Sometimes it’s just easier to throw it in a bun, layer on the dry shampoo or wear a hat. When you do wash it though, you’re amazed by how full and bouncy it is. You pretend you’re in a shampoo commercial, swinging your clean locks around and knowing that by tomorrow when you actually have to leave the house, it’ll look like you never did anything to it at all.
7. When you’re caught having some “me” time after being productive for five minutes.
Rewarding myself with some pampering after I’ve only typed my name and title on a paper is what I do best.
8. When you try to do a smoky eye and it isn’t as flattering on you as you thought it would be.
Pinterest usually lies to me about how “easy” it is to recreate certain makeup looks. I always fall for it though. Instead of looking like the sexy, intimidating woman in the picture, I look like a raccoon that waddled into a Sephora by mistake.
9. When someone guesses how much money you spent on beauty products.
Look, it isn’t my fault that the pushy employees at Lush convinced me to buy 7 bath bombs, 6 bubble bars, 2 moisturizers and 3 shampoo bars. They said I needed to have them.
10. Seeing what you look like after a night of drinking.
I’ve woken up with Cheetos in my bra, gum tangled in my hair, unknown stains on my clothes, bags under my eyes that make me look like I haven’t slept in years, and an overall look that screams “regret and shame.” Nice.
11. When you walk into class fresh out of the salon.
Hair is done, nails are manicured and general appearance is not a complete disaster, so today you feel like a queen.
12. When you’re gonna be late but you notice some suspiciously visible hair on your upper lip.
By the end of this you’ll have baby-soft skin and no one has to know the lengths you go in order to have it this way.
13. When you use a new “miracle” cream for the first time.
This tiny tub of seaweed crap was fifty dollars and the label told me I would look rejuvenated, be acne free and have the body of a Victoria’s Secret model. I’ve used it once, why isn’t it working?
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.