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Ranking the Different Types of Coffee Drinkers

After working part-time at a café for most of my undergrad, I have come to notice some trends among coffee drinkers. Whether it be the guy who would come in and get 3 black coffees a day or the regular from the store up the road that got the same iced coffee every day, you start to see trends among customers. I decided to categorize them into a list and rank them on a scale of 1-10. The first drinker being...

The Wake-Up Call - 6/10

This person will probably insist they are a morning person, but only after they have had their coffee. I encountered these people a lot, especially working in a chain coffee shop. Usually, they are uninterested in any form of communication besides their order. Sometimes, I worry for people who have to talk to them before their morning brew. But for me, I got to bring them their cup of energy, making them a very fulfilling customer to serve. 

Ice Ice . . . Coffee - 4/10

This person will probably insist that hot drinks are a crime. They will typically order some kind of flavour in their coffee, although I have come across a few die-hard black iced coffee drinkers. Not exactly a great way to drink coffee since it normally ends up watered down. They miss out on a world of coffee they don’t even know existed.

The Healthy Coffee Drinker - 4/10

This person usually asks for just about every alternative offered.  Almond milk, decaf, stevia, sugar-free, reusable cup (which I stand for). The only reason I ranked them low is that the average health nut would usually be stuck up. We love a good almond milk, but not an attitude!

Black Coffee Only - 8/10

These people take no milk, no cream, no sugar and no sweetener. Just plain old black coffee. A lot of the time, these people will drink a medium or dark roast. Their appreciation for coffee is supreme UNLESS they drink Tim Hortons’ black coffee. Then they may just be missing their taste buds. 

The All-Knowing Expert - 2/10

These people usually think they know more about your beans than you do. “Where do you source your beans?”, “How long is your roasting process?”, “Did you know that pour-over is better than your roasting methods?” Even though you have all the answers, they keep asking until their heart's content, and most of the time the sale wasn’t worth the time spent. As a barista, I appreciate someone who knows their coffee, but as a human being, nobody likes a know-it-all.

The Addict (aka the Regular) - 10/10

This person comes in, on average, about 3 times a day. They are always willing to talk to their barista about anything, whether it be their day at work or their life at home. They are always fun to see and even on their bad days, you treat them like a friend and hear them out. Knowing that you supply them with one of their favourite drinks is very fulfilling and I think they may be my personal favorite.

Girl With Coffee Mug Black And White Anna Thetard / Her Campus

Decaf Drinkers - 5/10

I get it. You don’t want to be up late, you want the taste of coffee and you don’t want to be wired. The downside is that decaf is usually only offered in a single roast, and is usually sitting for about 3 hours before it gets dumped and remade. If you are going to drink decaf, try and get a decaf latte instead. That way, you know your beans are freshly ground and it’s made to order. I ranked them so low because I think if you are going to have a cup of coffee, it's worth having in the morning in its full caffeinated glory. Just get another drink if you want coffee without the coffee.

I hope this was as entertaining for you to read as it was for me to write. Remember these are just stereotypes and not every one of these groups is conclusive. Coffee is for everyone, no matter how you drink it!