Valentine’s Day was last week, and just like every other year, many of my single friends and I are still recovering from the evident divide between people that are in relationships and people that are not. At least in my circle, the topic of romantic relationships seems to surface quite often: who is she dating, whose boyfriend is acting up, whose girlfriend did what, who is “talking” to who? I’ve noticed this pattern a lot recently and even though I am an eager participant in these kinds of conversations, I’ve become confused as to why we, as women, seem to be so obsessed with and centered around our relationships.
I’m reminded of the Bechdel Test, an assessment of film wherein a movie only needs to have three criteria to pass: there are at least two named women, they talk to each other and they talk about anything other than a man. Although this test is a comment on female character depth, it made me think about how often I have a conversation with another woman in which one of us doesn’t mention a guy? I don’t think that my circle of friends is unique in this way either. Of course, I’m not suggesting that we should abandon our romantic desires and never discuss our crushes and significant others with each other! Rather, we cannot base our feelings of personal success on romantic relationships, and that being single does not equal being without value.
I think that as women, we tend to place a lot of our personal value in our relationships with others rather than in ourselves. In my experience, good relationships come along when you are most at peace with your life and self, and especially when you least expect them. I believe loving yourself fully and completely first will attract love to you.