To the gawky high school girl who wasn’t sure of herself, this letter is for you.
You’re going to constantly ask yourself whether or not you’re good enough. Enough for what, exactly? Enough for a meaningless boy to give you five minutes of his attention, or a friend who doesn’t value you, to use you until you’re broken? Your looks, your weight, your hair (that you hated when it was long, but panicked when it was cut short), or the clothes you wear will never be the determinant of your worthiness. Your beauty is not something that can be measured by a treacherous number on the scale, the stretch marks that line your thighs, the acne scars that dot your cheeks or the amount of gum that shows when you smile. The apparent faults which you claim to count so endlessly, are life’s (seemingly humourless) way of shaping you from a unique girl who doesn’t see it, into an eventual woman who doesn’t only see bad. One who sees potential, promise, and dare I say it, true beauty.
The relationship you thought was the key to your happiness will become a bad taste in your mouth, an unpleasant memory, and the precursor to someone so much more right. You will yearn to fight and stand up for the women around you, not regard them as a threat to be competed with. Never underestimate the power of chitchat exchanged in the bathrooms of clubs and bars; drunk girls will forever be the best listeners and compliment givers out there.
You will never be perfect, you will be unabashedly flawed and you will fail countless times. Yet somehow, amazingly, you will pick yourself back up each time and keep pushing forward. The grey storm cloud that feels like it ceaselessly hangs over you, won’t go away forever, but sunbeams will always manage to poke their way through, and things won’t look quite as dreary. You will feel anxious, shy, and scared of so many things, from the insignificant to the gigantic. Just try and remember that not everything around you is frightening.
Books, movies, and the fantastical will never leave your intensely narrow focus and runaway mind, but try not to let their fictional worlds consume you. They’re a friendly, familiar escape that grants you temporary access to a place where you don’t have to think; but they’re not the only key to your entire happiness.
School really does matter, but you’ll procrastinate. Too many times to count, but you’ll eventually realize that the impending doom before a due date isn’t always worth the scrambled stress and all-night paranoia. Never lose sight of how lucky you are, and how there will always be people that care about you, a lot. A purring cat on your lap will make any bad day feel better, and you will find very few things that delight you more than meeting the different dogs you see on the way to the bus stop.
Coconut rum is really poison, don’t drink it (you’ll thank me later). You’re going to say that you’ll never indulge in another slice of cheesecake, another shot of tequila, or a Netflix binge watching session again, but you definitely will and that’s okay. Being an adult isn’t easy, and you certainly won’t go about it the “typical” way, but it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting otherwise. If you know what’s good for you, stop over-plucking your eyebrows and wear your retainers to bed. Defined arches and dental hygiene ain’t no joke. Never stop laughing so easily, even though you snort, cackle and tears come out of your eyes at the drop of a hat.
Most of all though, be easy on yourself. You’re only a teenager; you’re uncertain, naive, and full of emotions that you haven’t quite worked out yet, but just know that young adulthood is absolutely nothing like you thought it would be. It’s better.
Sincerely, A girl who’s still learning, but knows a few things. P.S. For the love of god, sleep, and get as much of it as you can right now. Soon, you will understand.