I do not know what hurt more – my boyfriend cheating on me, or the looks I get for staying with him. I learned that my boyfriend cheated on me five months ago, at which point we had been dating just under eleven months. I found out that he had been on Tinder for the past three months, so it was just eight months into our relationship he started to cheat on me. I know, eight months might not seem like a long time, but in those eight months, I had already realized he was the one I wanted to marry. I wanted to marry my best friend.
Guess what, it doesn’t surprise me if you are already judging me. I can hear you thinking ‘Wow this girl is so desperate for a man that she’s staying with him,’ ‘She thinks she’s going to marry this guy who’s a cheater,’ and ‘She deserves more and she’s too dumb to see it, once a cheater always a cheater.’ Believe me when I say that him cheating, and all those nasty thoughts, run through my head daily. I don’t blame anyone else who thinks of me that way. I mean, I thought that way myself at some point. Thinking, ‘why is she still with that loser? Why can’t she just leave him and find someone better?’
TRUST ME, I know I could hook up with a guy in a bar no problem. I have my self-esteem issues, I do, but I am certainly not desperate. I can leave him if I want to, no problem, but I won’t. This may sound crazy and overly dramatic because it certainly does to me even while I’m typing this! But I still love him, even though he caused so much heartbreak and pain. Despite what happened, he still makes me so happy, and he treats me like a princess. I have never felt safer with anyone else in my life. As of today, we have been dating for a year and four months, and honestly, our relationship is still healing, as I am still not over what happened. It’s not that I’m holding a grudge or do not trust him; it is this worrisome pain that lingers inside of me, reminding me how I felt five months ago, how broken I felt.
I was partying with my friends during the Super Bowl, having a great time, and my boyfriend was at his house partying with his friends. I looked at snap map and saw my boyfriend was at an apartment building nowhere near his house. I felt my heart race, and I got sick to my stomach. The next thing I knew, I was texting him saying how I hate him, and how I couldn’t believe he would do something like this to me again (at this point I would like to mention that I know I’m sounding and acting very ridiculous). He called me a minute later saying he was at his house all night, and that he had no idea how that even happened on snap map, and I had all his friends back him up on it. He started to apologize to me even though he did nothing wrong (this time). He said how he was sorry for this even happening, that he was sorry for causing me this pain again. Yes, I know how ridiculous I sound, but if you have not had your heart broken, you cannot be judging right now.
So, yeah. It has been five months since my boyfriend cheated on me. I am still a mess but that’s okay because I have accepted it is going to take time. This is just a shout out to the girls who have had their heart broken and knew it was time to move on, and to the ladies that knew they had to give their guy another chance. It already sucks knowing my boyfriend cheated on me, and the mean words others say about me don’t help. I know if you have not had your heartbroken you may not understand. It is important for all you ladies out there to stand strong together and not to judge one another on your relationships. We all know relationships are messy AF and the last thing we need is everyone else in the world chiming in on how you should live your life. It doesn’t help. Stand together, don’t tear each other down. We are ladies: we are strong, we can be independent, we can be bad ass and we can make our own choices that will benefit us. It’s February and Valentine’s Day is coming up, so no matter if you have a significant other or not, just remember that you as an INDIVIDUAL are amazing and strong. You do you and don’t let anyone stop you.