Unfortunately, many of us have been there before. A relationship that you thought at the time was something amazing and worth fighting for, but in fact was quite the opposite. Toxic relationships are sometimes hard to see for yourself and it can even take long periods of time to realize the affect that it had on you and your mental health. These relationships can be anything from being pressured into doing things you don’t want to do, verbal, emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, etc. There is not one certain thing that can define a relationship as being toxic, but you can look back and see that it had affected you in that moment. Although these situations are not ideal, do not let them define you. Use a toxic relationship to learn and grow as a person. You are not the labels that others have put on you, instead make it clear that you are thriving and understand that we can all learn from our mistakes.
Realization and Awareness
The most important thing you for you to do for yourself is to admit that you were once invested in a relationship that was not healthy. Finally being able to see it does not mean that the entirety of your relationship was a lie, but that there were things that you were blind to and are now able to see since you have removed yourself from the situation.
Self Worth
Looking back at past experiences and how they impacted you can help determine what you think of yourself and what you deserve. Understanding that you can put all of your effort into something and still not have the same reciprocated is important. The feeling of knowing that you deserve so much more is incredibly rewarding, because you can finally realize that that is what you need and are worthy of.
Knowing What You Want
A toxic relationship can show you everything that you don’t want in a relationship, but it can also be used as a tool in order to figure out the things that you really need. You are allowed to say no and have expectations, because your own happiness is just as important as someone else’s. It takes two to be in a relationship, and to be fully committed is to be fully invested in what the other person is offering.
It Makes You Stronger
There can be many negative experiences that a person goes through during and after a toxic relationship. Although there can be rumours, loss of friends, isolation, etc., it can also be seen as something that will eventually make you stronger. You cannot control what others say about you, but you can control how it affects your life. Realizing that you are more than others’ words only emphasizes your strength to be your own person and to know the person that you are, not the person that everyone makes you out to be.
It’s important to accept that you could have been blind to things going on in your relationship due to the mere fact that you thought things were “normal” or that you “were in love.” There is no point in beating yourself up about the actions and decisions that were made while in this relationship, because you can’t go back in time to tell yourself that it was probably by far the dumbest decision you’ve made. In the moment, you were in that relationship hopefully by choice, and yes you were blinded to everything that the outside world was seeing.
Listening to your Family and Friend’s Worries
This becomes a rather tricky situation because in the heat of the moment you think that you are always right and have the power to decide what to do with your life. Although this is true, I think that a huge learning curve is when you finally realize the people that care about you were only looking out for you. Your family and friends have an outside perspective on your relationship and sometimes it is worth it to listen to their concerns.
You Wouldn’t be Who You are Today
Without the experience of a toxic relationship, you would not be the person that you are today. The relationship does not define you as a person, but it has shaped you to be the strong, independent, and self-respected person you are today. Experiences, whether they are positive or negative, shape your outlook on life and how you carry yourself. That toxic person may have thrown your life upside down, but now you are able to show the world that you are fully capable of pulling it together and creating a better life for yourself.