“I’d rather have four quarters than ten dimes,” a phrase I never truly understood until it mattered most and hit me as hard as the bus hit Regina George in Mean Girls! My mom always said this to my sister and I growing up, and until it clicked, I thought she meant having fewer coins meant more space in her wallet. I was so far off base it wasn’t even funny.
So obviously, my mom was never talking about change; she was enabling us to hold space for those whom we value and who value us most. In a sea full of friendships, hardships, and forever best friends, quality over quantity is key. Movies always showed these huge friend groups who spent their time together watching movies, going out or laughing until they cried. I know I’m not alone when I say that this was the vision and the friendships I was so drawn to. Although what I didn’t realize was that behind the laughter, tears and adventures came drama, false security and lessons to be learned.
Don’t get me wrong, being part of “That” friend group has its perks, from invites and plans that make for the perfect post to being in on all the gossip. But after a while, you look around and realize that the group of 20 girls never held the same value as that one friendship you could never forget. These girls weren’t the people you ran to when you had news, good or bad, because you knew the spread of information was so powerful it would never be stopped. The gossip, drama, and know-all attitude was fun until it wasn’t; it became obsessive and fake, and you begin to realize you want more, not only that, but you deserve more.
And so, I went and found it. Coming to university was the perfect chance to reinvent myself. I didn’t have to be shy; no one knew who I was or what I was like. All they knew was what I told them and how I presented myself. I took the time to get to know the people around me, I invited myself into conversations, meeting so many people and holding onto a few. I met people who helped me become the best version of myself. I could be weird, I could make mistakes, fail, thrive, laugh and cry, never questioning the relationships I had or if my failures would be the latest feature of some group chat. I ended up with a small, close-knit group of friends I will forever be grateful for and whose value I don’t even have the words to express.
Moral of the story, the values that we place in people, and the relationships we have with them should be reflective of the values you hold yourself to. Having a large circle can be great, but having a small circle with people who value you the same way you do them is even better.