Flirting has always been a struggle for me. Throughout elementary and high school, I had endless crushes and obsessions, but for some reason, the sentiment wasn’t mirrored. In university, I started going to clubs and being exposed to more situations to flirt.
I remember texting boys on the cross-country team or in my French class, anxiously awaiting the next reply. I remember obsessing over these forced messages about homework or schedules. It makes me cringe to think about these conversations.
You probably think I am sitting on a high horse in reflection, and I suppose I am, given that I am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend that far exceeds any other interest in my past.
Before finding a boyfriend, I often questioned where people meet their future spouses, and what exactly do they say? I like to think that I’ve practiced flirting a bit over the last while, and I would like to share some quirky habits of mine.
Stop asking for a friend’s help
When I stopped asking my roommate to help me decide how to reply to texts, I was able to express myself and attract people who like my humour, not my roommate’s. The conversation should flow naturally, so instead of asking a friend how to respond, you could try listening to the same podcast episode as them or googling get-to-know-you questions and asking one or two per day. You can tell each other stories as well.
Using emoji’s in general
As a freshman, one of my guy friends said to me “I know she likes me because she’s using emojis in her text messages.” This seemed like a ridiculous notion to me at the time. I certainly used emojis in messages to people I didn’t want to date. Emojis add an element of nonverbal communication, a hint at the intended tone, but not every emoji implies lust.
If you are flirting with someone via text, I’d suggest a balance in emojis. For instance, for every two sentences, type one or no emojis. Winking emojis and heart-related emojis can make your intentions known without typing “I like you.” On the other hand, be cautious about how many and which emojis you use when talking to people you aren’t interested in because I’m not sure how many guys believe this myth.
Cheesy pick-up lines
When I was 19, I started going to bars with my friends. One of my friend’s boyfriend had cheated on her, so we all downloaded Bumble after Christmas break. It was during this period that I became very intrigued by pick-up lines. My favourite one to use is this:
Me: Would you like to hear a cheesy pick-up line?
Him: Sure. Why not.
Me: What do you do with cheese that falls on the floor?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: You pick it up obviously.
*I cackle hysterically at this point because I’m usually intoxicated.
Him: Okay, that deserves a drink.
Developing inside jokes, nicknames or codewords
I would like to preface this by telling you not to give someone a nickname too early. I once had a crush on a boy in my class and when I first spoke to him months later, I introduced myself, found out his name and I told him that I nicknamed him “Teddy” in my mind. That was also the last time he spoke to me of his own free will. The other time I approached him when he was working. So, I would not recommend telling a crush about a nickname. You could, however, use the code name to talk about him to your friends.
I would say that you should wait until you’re at least hanging out with someone or going on dates before giving them a nickname. I like to use different nicknames with my boyfriend depending on my mood – cowboy if I’m feeling sexy, lover if I’m longing his embrace and a shortened version of his name at other times.
It can be fun to decide codewords together and then drop the code words in regular conversation. I’d love to give you examples, but they should be personalized to the couple. For instance, if a couple consisted of a seamstress and an artist, perhaps they would use painting or sewing analogies.
Reinventing common abbreviations
My roommate received a “DTF?” text message and didn’t know how to respond. I suggested she reply with “Down to fish? ? Let’s hook up?.” She refused to use that response, but I still think it’s funny.
Using the angel emoji for dirty texts to sound innocent
This is my favourite flirting tactic to use. I would usually use it after posing a clarifying question, for example:
Him: I can’t wait to be alone with you this weekend.
Me: Oh? What are we going to do? ?
Essentially, anytime someone mentions something that could be interpreted as dirty, I pretend that I don’t have a clue what they mean.
Everyone’s love language is different, but that being said, guys don’t get genuine compliments that often, so try to compliment him before he compliments you. Subtle compliments could be as simple as “good morning handsome.”
Talk about your passions
At the end of the day, the best conversations will occur if you’re both passionate about the conversation. Skip the small talk – especially now, literally nothing exciting happened today – and instead ask them what makes them feel overjoyed.
I enjoy flirting with my boyfriend a lot, and I think you can become more fluent in the skill if you’re willing to put yourself out there and practice. The worst thing someone can do is click un-match and screenshot the conversation to show their friends. Eventually, you will find someone who appreciates your humour, as cheesy as that sounds.